Irrational Gigantic Anger -

1

" I've a proposal here from Mr Murray —
He offers handsomely, the money down —
My dear, you might recover from your flurry
In a nice airy lodging out of town,
At Croyden, Epsom, anywhere in Surrey —
If every stanza brings us in a crown,
I think that I might venture to bespeak
A bedroom and front parlour for next week.

2

Tell me, my dear Thalia, what you think —
Your nerves have undergone a sudden shock,
Your poor dear spirits have begun to sink —
On Banstead Downs you'd muster a new stock,
And I'd be sure to keep away from drink
And always go to bed by twelve o'clock!
We'll travel down there in the morning stages:
Our verses shall go down to distant ages.

3

And here in town we'll breakfast on hot rolls,
And you shall have a better shawl to wear —
These pantaloons of mine are chafed in holes,
By Monday next I'll compass a new pair —
Come now, fling up the cinders, fetch the coals,
And take away the things you hung to air;
Set out the tea-things, and bid Phoebe bring
The kettle up — Arms and the Monks I sing !

4

Some ten miles off an ancient Abbey stood
Amidst the mountains, near a noble stream —
A level eminence, enshrined with wood,
Sloped to the river's bank and southern beam.
Within were fifty friars fat and good,
Of goodly persons, and of good esteem,
That passed an easy, exemplary life,
Remote from want and care and worldly strife.

5

Between the Monks and Giants there subsisted
In the first Abbot's lifetime much respect;
The Giants let them settle where they listed —
The Giants were a tolerating sect!
A poor lame Giant once the Monks assisted:
Old and abandoned, dying with neglect,
The Prior found him, cured his broken bone,
And very kindly cut him for the stone.

6

This seemed a glorious, golden opportunity
To civilize the whole gigantic race;
To draw them to pay tithes and dwell in unity;
The Giant's valley was a fertile place,
And might have much enriched the whole community
Had the old Giant lived a longer space —
But he relapsed, and though all means were tried,
They could but just baptize him — when he died.

7

And I believe the Giants never knew
Of the kind treatment that befell their mate
(He broke down all at once, and all the crew
Had taken leave and left him to his fate)
And though the Monks exposed him full in view,
Propped on his crutches at the garden-gate
To prove their cure, and show that all was right,
It happened that no Giants came in sight ...

15

In castles and in courts Ambition dwells,
But not in castles or in courts alone;
She breathed a wish, throughout those sacred cells,
For bells of larger size, and louder tone.
Giants abominate the sound of bells,
And soon the fierce antipathy was shown —
The tinkling and the jingling and the clangour
Roused their irrational gigantic anger!

16

Unhappy mortals, ever blind to fate!
Unhappy Monks, you see no danger nigh!
Exulting in their sound and size and weight,
From morn till noon the merry peal you ply:
The belfry rocks, your bosoms are elate,
Your spirits with the ropes and pulleys fly —
Tired, but transported, panting, pulling, hauling,
Ramping and stamping, overjoyed and bawling.

17

Meanwhile the solemn mountains that surrounded
The silent valley where the Convent lay,
With tintinabular uproar were astounded,
When the first peal burst forth at break of day:
Feeling their granite ears severely wounded,
They scarce knew what to think, or what to say,
And — though large mountains commonly conceal
Their sentiments, dissembling what they feel —

18

Yet Cader-Gibbrish from his cloudy throne
To huge Loblommon gave an intimation
Of this strange rumour, with an awful tone
Thundering his deep surprise and indignation.
The lesser hills, in language of their own,
Discussed the topic by reverberation,
Discoursing with their echoes all day long —
Their only conversation was, " ding-dong"!

19

Those giant-mountains inwardly were moved,
But never made an outward change of place:
Not so the mountain-giants — as behoved
A more alert and locomotive race —
Hearing a clatter which they disapproved,
They ran straight forward to besiege the place
With a discordant universal yell,
Like house-dog howling at a dinner-bell.
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