Addictions

I trudge a mile ahead of my desires
As they lag painstakingly behind my back
The old 'me' is dead and long gone
Yet I die every other day from dissociation and lack
The will to relive my past lives and respires
Won't bygones just be bygones?

Just when I heave a sigh of relief from my guilt
And amass enough hope to recover from the filth
Right when the finish line steps into my track
My feet would slip and 'fall' into the pits
Bruising all of my faith and my luck
When on earth comes my joker in the pack?

Sometimes, I get on the highway to freedom
And turn off my history's ignition
Only for the night's sleep to sway me right into yesterdays doldrums
Sometimes, I catch a fleeting glimpse at my redemption
Only for a chicane of my past to quietly loom
And throw me into a swarm of ugly temptations

Just when strong passion gives in to my conscience
And chance gives me a chance to end this gruesome race
My blunders will spread out their ambience
And let the memories lock me up in their embrace

Inside my mind, the memories continue to lurk
I have done a ton of medication, hoping they'll fade
A morning away, theyll quietly be
I have tried till tired, yet it wouldn't work
My worst nightmares, covered in jade