Cancer

I watch the light fade from my mother’s eyes.

She smiles at me,
even though it hurts.
She tells me she’ll be okay,
though her assurances never work.

I remember being younger and waking up to desperate cries,
hearing her gag up the little bit she ate.
My eyes blown wide in the middle of the night,
mom, will you be okay?

My mother is strong, I know she is,
but cancer has drained her bit by bit.
She can’t even sit up from her bed to press,
a kiss to my father’s lips.

She’s dying slowly,
I know she is.
My dad tries to hide it from me,
as if it’s something i’m dumb enough to miss.

I have to smile for my siblings though,
they’re far younger than me.
I distract them as our mother limps so painfully slow,
I talk loud so they can’t hear my heart sink.

The first time I ever saw my mother cry,
was when I was laying next to her in the hospital bed.
I prayed so hard for her not to die,
when I thought she was asleep.

I can’t stop whispering that I love her,
for I fear any moment could be her last.
I run over to her side as she gets dizzy from chemo,
her life is draining fast.

Now every time I see the her try i’m reminded of how strong she is,
though I feel a stinging sadness.
Yes she’s strong but for how long?
Not knowing drives me into madness.

I watch the life fade from my mother’s eyes.