Despair is a hound

I couldn't rhyme this feeling of despair,
It's a tarnish like none other,
a convulsion of my nature,
Unconsciously I contrived,
This feeling of despair,
To be so very near,
I looked for god under its shadows,
I jabbed and stabbed,
How could a god so near,
Have me famished for his love and fear,
Alas I found,
Man is meat and despair is hound,
Cunning days leave me counting,
Passing hours fueled with longing,
Sonorous shill of my heart I deplete,
For under all this abhor,
I have found peace in release,
Release of despair that I protect like the spoils of war with in myself.