I have wondered

I have wondered through nights in blue
Why things happen as they do.
Why is there joy and then the search for joy
Tireless woebegone pursuits, nature’s ploy;
All misery amidst the glee, a queer contrast
Was there any joy to begin at last?
Look afresh into our deepest hymns;
What misery, what suffering - all in our whims.

I have wondered through nights in blue
What is false, and what is true.
All seeming truth retreats shamefully in past;
Convictions, faith and dogmas drown at last.
Yet something there is that clings afresh;
Perchance, in clinging, lies the secret to the flesh.
Life’s but a dream, I caught a while ago
Wild, inexplicable, yet ceaselessly, light I throw.

I have wondered through nights in blue
On rights and wrongs and what to do.
Fleeting versions have spoilt any certitude;
All roads but yield to remorse in plenitude.
What am I to do of this unrelenting quest
To be so sinless and conquer the crest.
Meditations moor me at this strange inference -
Any answer hinges on the questioner’s preference.

I have wondered through nights in blue
Why things happen as they do.
With sunrise, I bid the night adieu,
My musing ritual brings solace anew.