My Favorite Thing About You

For as long as I can remember
You’ve been the strongest person I know

The first time I saw you cry was when your cat died
And I was ten
You loved that cat
His name was Garfeild
And he had the flattest face you’ve ever seen
But that didn’t matter
You loved him regardless
You loved him because
He would curl up on your chest
Your breath became synchronized
Every night, you laid there together
It killed you a little bit when he died
Although it wasn’t the first death, it was one of the hardest

Seeing your tears only made me believe you were stronger
Knowing that you held pain
Knowing you didn’t let it hold you
You never allowed yourself to become embraced in
Trapped in
Greif

The second time I saw you cry was when my mother died
When your daughter died
Of course I knew you were capable of enduring anything
Everything
You had and you would
But nothing could prepare me for the force you became
You became
My person
In the absence of my mother and long before then
You became more than my grandmother
You became everything that I needed
And I never thanked you for it

I will always be thankful for it

I can’t remember the last time I saw you cry
It somewhere between her funeral and the night everything changed
I wish I could catalog each one of your tears
Each one of the years I spent with you
Each memory we carved together
Each episode of Once Upon a Time
Each time we planted flowers together
The way that you listened to me
The way that you were everything

The other day, I was in your hospital room
And a tear ran down your cheek
I am not sure if it was the dry eyes or sadness
Is it wrong that I hoped it was sadness?
That I hope
Although, I never want you to feel pain
That you feel pain
Because that means you are there
With me
It means
That one day
I can see your tears
And you can see mine
And I can tell you it is okay
And you can do the same
We can hold each other’s hand
Squeezing
Synchronized
And it will be like nothing ever changed