No Benefits

Immediate need with all the tragic urgency

of an unmet orgasm or half bloomed, already wilting lily

at The Institute for Self Advancement.

We seek a teamwork oriented part- half -time, blue moon, non-staff

barely grant funded amazing opportunity

for someone who brings the fervor of a planned meteor shower

to serve in a newly created Floater Cloud Assistant role

in this non-union, outsider, at will, temporary, non-advancing

contract position for as long as the crisis of faith endures,

until we have met regulatory obligations, or depleted available funds.

Must demonstrate

Consumer oriented professionalism

Assessment proficiency

Coaching attitude and sunny personality

HTML coding and social media skills

Communication and strong soft skills

Clinical training in the technology of knowledge delivery

Must possess

Self starting engine brain with a keyless remote entry that runs on no gas

Willingness of a burro to plummet unmarked trail depths for a sliver of apple

Advanced fluency in emoticons, acronyms, and words

Independent decision making ability and keen capacity for obedience 

Eager ability to identify and reconcile unbridged canyons

Master’s with strong publication record considered, doctorate preferred.

originally appeared in Crab Fat Magazine (August 2016)