Please call!

Being deaf I’ve spent most of my life in isolation
Not being able to understand the conversation
Being the butt of all jokes
Smiling and laughing, just nodding in agreement when I’ve asked you to repeat yourself for the third time
Hoping and praying that I haven’t just agreed to something immoral or that I won’t be able to work out later…
 
The telephone is my nemesis
“Just call” people say… like that’s an easy thing to do
For the hearing it is
For the deaf it’s a curse
No cues, no hints, no faces to watch
Just the odd sounds to try and link together
To make sense of
Worse still, people shout at me thinking they’re helping
So now the sounds are distorted too
It literally hurts
 
I avoid it
I’ll come see you in person
I’ll use email
I used text and messenger applications long before they were popular
I’ll actually write a letter and mail it!
Anything to avoid using that instrument of torture – the telephone
 
You think I exaggerate – it can’t be that bad
You try it!
Stick good quality earplugs in your ears and make a call to somebody that you don’t know
Better yet phone your bank and try to organise a financial transaction where mishearing hundred for thousand will bankrupt you
You’re now in debt, by thousands, because you misheard…
Not so simple now.
 
Now I can’t breathe properly
The entire world has become a potential trigger
I have to stay home and rest
I can’t go and see you in person
Sometimes you won’t let me use email or secure messages instead
You insist that I call…
I can’t hear, I can’t talk… but calling is all that you’ll allow
 
So I try... and you get mad with me because I can hardly be heard
You get mad with me as I ask you to repeat every word
You get mad with me because this telephone thing is a curse
You’re frustrated
I’m sick
I’m now more than sick I’m hurt
Physically hurt
Your insistence on that telephone call gave me a migraine
I lost a day of my life to your inability to accommodate me
 
Now I won’t call
I’ll do without
I’ll try email, secure messaging, fax even, anything to communicate
The auto-response to all is - please call!
 
I can’t call
So I’ll do without
 
Prescriptions need renewing and dropping off – please call
I can’t – I’ll die without them but what else can I do?
 
Credit card has been used fraudulently – please call
I can’t – what on earth do I do?
 
Medical appointments need scheduling – please call
I can’t – Shouldn’t they at least understand? – I can’t call!
 
My world is shrinking by the day
I’m not improving
I can’t see past the next hour any more
I’ve lived in isolation all my life
Now my virtual world has become my physical world
 
I am truly isolated to keep myself safe
I now have no means to communicate
No means to break out of my isolation
I’m depressed – I need to talk
 
But I can’t breath…
Crisis line – please call!
 
There is no place in this world for me.
I’m through, I’m done fighting, I give up
 
One day you’ll have some idea of what I’m going through
One day you’ll understand this sense of complete and utter isolation
On that day, I hope that the answer for you is different than – please call!