Swan's Blood Pool

Once I tried,
and tried so hard,
the sky was inches away,
I believed I would fly.

A dream I saw for so long,
with eyes open wide,
my pearls dripped endlessly—
I was sobbing my heart out.

I thought I could touch the clouds,
finally the waiting would end,
the swan was this close
to meeting her soulmate.

So the state I was in,
when I fell from the height—
I heard swans die of heart attacks
when that one love dies.

My bones were crushed to grains,
muscles burst open,
even the liver thrown out,
screaming.
cursing.
screeching.
but not a single sound came out.

I was lying in the road for hours.
people stopped,
clicked pictures,
some winced at my sight,
a dozen lights flashed,
blurring my eyes.

But no one held me up.
who even hugs a dismembered body?
so I didn't complain
when they left my
rotting, forsaken being.

I dragged myself across the path,
wrapping a cloth around my body,
clutching my torn flesh,
I tied the knot tight
around my misery.

That was a year ago.
now I walk with a smile.
no one believed me when I told them—
I really tried.
no one cares about the reasons,
they care what they see,
what lies in front of their eyes.

So I stopped telling them,
because what's even the point?
if they will never listen,
why should I even try?

It's alright, I guess?
who even believes a ghost?
haunted by her past death,
the smell of her own blood,
still chasing in her nightmares.

I crossed that road today,
where I lay helplessly a year ago,
dried blood marks still visible,
I tried my best to ignore.

Now I question every day—
whats even the point of trying hard?
if in the end only luck decides
who would fall to their death,
and who would rise to the stars.

Now I fear I'll keep falling on repeat,
now I fear climbing high.
maybe one day the nightmares will end,
maybe someday I'll run fast enough
to escape its grasp.