Was It My Fault?

It was years ago.

I was only 7

When I saw my mother.

She had pills in her hands

Dysphoria in her eyes.

I was confused.

Why was she sad?

I shrugged it off,

Not thinking that anything bad was to happen.

Little did I know.

I was in school when I heard.

It wasn’t the whole story

But it was the town’s gossip.

“I’m so sorry about what happened!”
“Is your mother ok?”
“Are they actually getting a divorce?”

Those were what I heard

They buzzed in my head

They made me scared

What would happen to my sisters?

Where was my mother?

Was it my fault?

Gone.

She was gone.

So was my father.

The two people in my life who I needed

They left.

It was only me and my infant sisters

Alone in the world.

Or so I thought.

She came back,

What felt like months later.

Along with my Father.

They promised a better life

A better future

They promised to stay.

I didn’t know if I could believe that.

After they both just abruptly left.

I felt it was my fault still.

I still think it’s my fault.

I always wonder

If I spoke up that night

If I tried to stop her

Would things have changed?

Now I am a lost soul

Always to wonder

Was it my fault?