Yes And No

YES

Yes, I take responsibility when you fall in love with me.
I collect your soul
& for some reason I like that game.

I’m surprised at the power I have over someone;
Wanting him to ask for more & to never stop coming
Back. But hurt people don’t always hurt people.
Hurt people can save hurt people;
Hurting themselves more
& you wanna know how I do it?

First I pick my pawn & how do I do that? Here’s a hint;
I choose the most relaxed, confident
& powerful person in the room.
The one with the most reflective soul.

I start to people watch.
Taking a sip from every soul in the room.
Breathing in their energies & funneling mine into their gasps.
I know I can seduce with my eyes, so I unintentionally intend eye contact,
shifting your concentration.
The green in my eyes grabs you.
The blue in my eyes calms you
& the grey in my eyes gets you to rummage in your mind the future we could have
…all from across the room.

My soul floats above the others, lifts you off your chair
& entices you to join me.

I like the challenge of conversation.
Seeing what parts of me you’ll fall in love with, what you’ll appeal to.
I’ll listen just the right amount.
Pulling out your strengths & weaknesses because,
I know you don’t want someone to love,
You just want someone to listen
& then you’ll realize maybe you do want someone to love,
But I’m only here to listen.
I’ll make you think you don’t have a chance
& your ego will tell you otherwise.
I’m intently a challenge for you
& no one can resist a challenge.

The worst part is I mean everything I say.
My dimples don’t allow me to tell lies,
But you can still be deceived by them.
I twiddle darkness between my finger tips with empty intentions.
I show you what you want, need, crave, desire, deserve.

Whatever you think I am, I play to that.
I am what you need me to be.

I’ll never let you get to too close.
I’ll only make you think you can.

That, will make you nervous.

Then at the end of the night, when we kiss,
Our lips will unpeel, there will be stillness in the
Air & all you’ll hear is the sound of my inhale.

You can tell a lot about me by the way I breathe.
I’m sorry for being authentically me.
I’m just trying to be honest with myself
& with you.
Sometimes I confuse my identity with my purpose.

I’ll be the women to teach you a lesson.

Not because you don’t deserve me,
But, because I don’t deserve you.

I’m not capable of loving.
I’m only capable of letting someone love me.

The funny thing is,
I don’t have a lick of confidence.

That’s not me.
…
I don’t know which part of me that is.
*

NO

No, I don’t hold you responsible when I fall in love with you.
I am easy to love, but hard to heal
& for some reason I like that game.

My biggest strength is my biggest weakness.
I am so self-aware, sometimes too aware,
So my perception of myself is jaded.
I’m in constant conversation with myself;
Already convincing myself the compliment you just gave
me couldn’t be true.

Can you relate?

I look back, never forward.
I try to influence how you see me, but that doesn’t always work.
Then, I over-analyze every move.
Creating things, I could have said or done to echo more of my soul.

I people watch you, people watch me.
Trying to understand you, to understand me.
I won’t let myself fall all the way, because I’m afraid of it being right.
I observe subtle variations in your behavior compulsively, unconsciously.
Trying to make my unconscious, conscious so I can have the power,
But, I’m not comfortable enough to share some thoughts with even myself
….so how would I share them with you?

My soul is a tourist in your life.
I’m only here for a visit
& I’m safer traveling alone.

It’s hard to talk about myself.
Giving up information allows you to use it against me, to hurt me.
I’ll listen too much.
Fearing my words will have hollow meaning
& be inauthentic, because my feelings change so quickly or leave out details,
Because my mouth will lie to protect my heart.
I’ll second guess your motives like you don’t really mean them,
Because reassurance is a lot to ask for from someone.
Or was I just taught to believe that?

I am far more different than you think.
I find satisfaction in staying a mystery,
Withholding things because, I see it drives you insane
& I’m the sanest insane person you know.

There’s a little extra taste in being broken, but I think about what I’m missing
& all the fun we could have.

That, makes me nervous.

At the end of the night, when we kiss,
Our lips will unpeel, there will be stillness in the
Air & all you’ll hear is the sound of my exhale.

You can tell a lot about me by the way I breathe.

I’m over apologetically me.
I’m just trying to be honest with myself.
For us.
Sometimes I confuse my purpose with my identity.

I’ll be the women to love you into loving me.
Not because I want to, but because I have to.

I’m only capable of loving.
I’m not capable of letting someone love me.

The funny thing is, I’m ironic.

That’s not me.
…
I don’t know which part of me that is.

***