“as a tree is connected in its
own roots so a person is
connected in his/her own self”
touch. Obviously
what else, meaning
in comparison, I guess
complicating things at
distance. Your life seems
to let more than
things, like lovers
with it, though writing
caring enough & the
others of, wondering
created like: I have
part of. Gradually
burden you. What's
place? I fade like
but in a small way
scare me. Otherwise
images, finite, emptiness
of living in
caring about; are
now, felt, marks
to need you
distantly covers it
exactly; confirm that
as rejection (or am
saying (an now
friends; of each
being struck
& all
sounds; “flippance”; seams
amaze me
else. So it
pass deliberately
even
greed”: that does
ease for which
internalness & possession
style, the art
remembrance of
posing, pretence
grip nor even
objects (chairs, faces, mountains
look at
optically
incredible, bitter
presence
of this
wasting away in
felt emotions. That's what
I think (must seem
& it. To time
that—back in
just kissing
but still—to you—become what
it now, I do
as rejection, that
with you
but put on
(whatever
“crush” is
that I like (you
always afraid that
now, exactly, I
confirm
in the new
visage of the place
is, it's more
by lacking
depersonalize it
else, to be alive
“in love” with
sleep, fast, &
hear your
role.) Anyway
relationships—so so—we
you, distantly, when
wonder at that gap
in time. Between
am, since
& especially acknowledge
much, but, this
envy
“as I'd be”
lashing at lack
need you. (I
another person, everyone, is
“focused”
more & more, cling
—writing, moves, you
but obviously what's
as with new kinds of
which are living with
relations & rejections
this—but this
in a different way
looks at
its worth
& if that's
over & above
again, here, I
perhaps tell you
I want to be trustworthy
&c
at, which is
of how things really
(not in my fashion
occur
& are occasionally
as well as usual
details in touch
make me
feel your sense of
things
whirling in response
isolate
listless, finally
in a characteristic way
its colors
transformed into vacancy
floating, airy
like a long time
unintimidated, unconditioned
you, those
for my part
persons (view of
grading importances
up, lately
as you
sad: completely
feel like
parts
at it always
life; got
of truncated
alternatives
still holds
as it says
months:
governs
things, necessarily
you, your
bring it on
mean its
complication
at
tangles
as truth
used
or easily
thought
of, yet
other persons
spoke, real, reason
a line. Left after
mystification & confusion
shifting responsibilities
“fluctuating” as you say
to) get
this kind of
continual missing
self-doubt, infatuation
stripped, down
& afraid, for instance
(gasps, what's
to say
“I should say”
& you, you
I feel (whether or not
is lost
up against
these lines
jags
for someone, to hear from
shapes me
'so that I will exist'
strange, the power
not in my fear
draws their meaning
all this. I
& that's
motion, the sight of birds
an externalization, all moving
as I have
not cloud, haze, or sadness
you, I
& speed with
in a way this whole
restores my balance
becomes reason
I was thinking
of rooms, inhabiting
& my friends
around
I always
the continual problem
of having done ‘this’
seems to just
be, yet
telling you
wakes me.
& the tea cup
aerates
to the clicking radiator
“all pseudo-breaths”
smile, in perfect
nervous energy
of the recognition, obelisks
that blankly
fill our
pockets)
stencils of misprision
sharpen, convexly
& promised
sticks
as if
it, in that
way (person
saw that
there, I
kept (& yet
seemed, it became
so
persons to
(enough
fixed, immobile
am here
at an
know (especially
with. Somehow
above that
come. In this
which pulls
& say whatever, without
as now
for me, it makes
pale
“what has
in me
sunny, clear
loose & even
rusty
chatting, “please
to put on a
(as you say
good appearance
lonely & scared
but see under
(since
this, then
best as can
which is, so
“words, ashes”
meetings, beings
time—(all
in this, only
saying it, that
emptiness, dragged
the distance
sounded sad
an aberration
vanished
by looming
powerless. (At
front (i.e. your
as if I
out (an
weight, which
it then becomes
you?) you certainly
as much because
note, saw
& me off
there—but
talked of
now (just
fuzzy
days, &
remembering
feeling that placelessness
all around
personalities, friends, a place to live
I think we
anyway
measure of
other. You
mean—that is
want
(at least
some physical (ie present
aspect to it
visits, sometimes
see, touch, taste
is, with
eyes) desires
what they must feel
& not let
intensely, deeply
“too chill to spell”
be held
primarily
a kind of strength
frightens
one for each moment
conviction (don't
luminance, brilliance
—you can't deny it—
come
before I go crazy
of objects
where, here, in this
suddenly stands erect
with wanting
is the 'there'
rejection, love
it
by its nature
asserts
it sees
as fork a fork
& a bully
completely)—in other words:
a strange moment
& try to get inside that
(you can't completely
to take seriously
(sensationally, ironically
& pick up dish & chair
& through all of it
miss you
only that
but not quite
(I know sometime
you will explain, it's
to break
through this
& show how
it's happening
in each phrase
that I
can't hold you
look, in your
eyes, even
& my fantasy always is
but
if I could
would have no words
& yet sometimes
it seems
(I'm not saying
for me either
& beside that
coming, dealing
clinging, wondering
I just wish
sometimes
that we all
don't have to be
so caught up
yet, what, cut
out all this
confusion, complication
& really, what
is it
projection scares me
(simplicity
undisrupted, as if
need, that thing
“like they will
hurt so much
turn, & recalling
to satisfy
draw in, so
inside
belonging, & not
wanting
(I look everyday
as if the actuality
mythological, conceptual
taken just as that
cuts, edged
to get
at it
as much & more
this misses—
as whiff of air
shocks the senses, remembering
what it was
submerged
as that
enclosed, anxious
contemplation of
what, with
Used by permission of the author.