Classic Poem

PROFESSOR Otto W EINSTEIN had achieved undying fame
By the well-known Weinstein theory that immortalized his name.
His home was filled with medals, he was swamped with P H. D.'s,
No Fahrenheit thermometer could boast of more degrees.

They honored him at Harvard, at Wisconsin and Cornell,
At Princeton, Leland Stanford, Yale and Michigan as well,
And at last, in New York City, Weinstein reached his highest goal—
'Twas the Freedom of the City on a handsome parchment scroll.

Professor Otto Weinstein said that evening to his wife:
“Oh, I'm tired of all these functions. I can't stand this social life.
I am sick of fêtes and banquets, so I'll tell you what we'll do:
Let us slip away and spend a quiet evening—just us two.”

So that evening Dr. Weinstein and his plump but charming spouse,
When they'd finished with their dinner, gayly stole forth from their house;
No one recognized the doctor as a scientist of note
With the Freedom of the City in the pocket of his coat.

He saw a passing taxi, and he signaled the chauffeur.
“To the Follies in a hurry!” he exclaimed with lordly air.
When they reached the well-known playhouse, and they turned to go inside,
From his coat he drew the parchment, and remarked: “Thanks for the ride.”

Said Professor Otto Weinstein at the window, with a smile:
“I'll take two seats in the orchestra. They must be on the aisle.”
Then he seized the precious tickets with a bow of winning grace,
When in dashed the taxi driver. There was murder in his face.

“Say, grab them birds!” he loudly cried. “Them two's a pair o' beats.”
The ticket clerk exclaimed: “They nearly copped a pair of seats!”
In vain Professor Weinstein tried to plead with them and say
That the Freedom of the City had been given him that day.

A large and husky copper punched the doctor in the jaw.
“It serves him right,” the crowd exclaimed, “for breaking of the law.
That guy has got a vicious face—a mean and hangdog look.
He must be Leftie Louie, or some other well-known crook.”

Professor Otto Weinstein and his plump but charming spouse,
Released from jail next morning, sadly drove back to their house.
Then they went into their garden and together dug a hole
For the Freedom of the City on a handsome parchment scroll.