Classic Poem

It was sometime in the P.M. of the fall of '92
I had cashed in the Creede Chronicle — had nothing much to do —
I had seen the man of leisure who was loafing on the street,
Who had every fad and fashion from his head down to his feet,
And this prince was a reporter; so I shined my Sunday shoes,
And went down to do the railroads for The Rocky Mountain News .

Now the city man was Martin, from McCullagh's Democrat ,
And he glanced over his glasses as I doffed my derby hat —
I had owned a daily paper in the springtime of the year,
That had sunk ten thousand dollars; I had nothing then to fear —
I had planned that in the morning I would dally with the muse,
In the P.M. do the railroad for The Rocky Mountain News .

" Well, ahem, ahem! " said Martin, clearing cobwebs from his throat,
While the smoke from his Havana round my face began to float;
" I presume that you're in touch with the officials here in town,
Having worked for them; however, I shall have to send you down
To the police court. " Then he coughed again and shed his overshoes,
" That's included with the railroads on The Rocky Mountain News . "

I assured him that the railroads to my mind would be a snap,
I could talk about train orders, and could write a lead and lap;
I could banquet with the president, or if I chose could take
A turn down in the freight yards, 'mong the men who twist the brake;
I could hobnob with the fireman while he augured out his flues —
I could surely do the railroads for The Rocky Mountain News .

" We're a little bit short-handed — you will do the county courts;
And this evening, after dinner, drift around among the sports;
There's a prizefight down at Murphy's. " Then he paused and rubbed his head.
" That's all I have to say now, " this encyclopedia said.
I didn't say a word then, but I thought it beat the Jews
The way they did the railroads down on The Rocky Mountain News .

I had buttoned up my overcoat, was headed for the stair,
When the quidnunc's restless fingers wandered thru his wealth of hair:
I had reached the elevator when he called me back and said:
" You will have to do the statehouse, for the statehouse man is dead. "
My poor heart sank within me, but I couldn't well refuse,
Since it all went with the railroads on The Rocky Mountain News .

" See the concerts at the churches in the early eve, " he said;
" Try and do Dean Hart's cathedral where an heiress is to wed
An English dude from Dublin — Freeman won't be here today.
You may write about a column on What Old-Timers Say
About the San Juan Gold Excitement — but mind, we can't excuse
Any neglect of the railroads on The Rocky Mountain News . "

I was off. For ten long hours thru the slush and snow and sleet,
Up the stone steps of the statehouse, out again and down the street,
Till I paused to feed at midnight — hit the bottle till my soup
Seemed a sea of strange assignments — every oyster was a scoop,
Mused on how the other papers would be burdened with the blues,
When they read about the railroads in The Rocky Mountain News .

After lunch I read my copy, which told how the Rio Grande
Had a good house, and the organ was wide open working sand.
'Twas a cold day for the criminals who proceed in wicked ways,
For they raided all the churches, and the dean got twenty days,
The soprano dropped her crown, the policeman warped his flues,
" Throwing in too much cold water, " said The Rocky Mountain News .

Big strike on the reservation, all the Navajos went out,
How the toughs had met at Trinity to hear the second shout,
All the preachers in their pulpits piling up their little piles
On Jim Corbett. How the ladies down at Murphy's blocked the aisles.

*****

The next day I got a letter that would give a man the blues:
" This is good, but we can't read it, " Signed: " The Rocky Mountain News . "

Now I view the proud reporter as he swiftly sallies by.
A bob-tailed flush upon his cheek, a twinkle in his eye;
He has my sincere sympathy — I do not want his place,
I pine not for his twinkle, nor the flush upon his face;
No matter what inducements, I invariably refuse,
Since the day I did the railroads for The Rocky Mountain News .