Classic Poem

REFRAIN 1

When I try makin' money,
I never have much luck —
I never earn a dime, much less a buck.
Are my finances in a mess?
Yes!!
But I never felt better,
So I couldn't care less!
I don't buy polo ponies,
Or fly a private plane,
I never order beer, much less champagne.
But do I need a lot of dough?
No!!
'Cause I never felt better,
So I couldn't feel low.
Not low,
No, no!
I'm high,
Here's why.
I never have a worry,
I never have a care,
About what I should buy or what to wear.
And do I find my future bright?
Right!
'Cause I never felt better,
And I'm doin' all right.

REFRAIN 2

When summer's at its hottest,
The rain must keep me cool,
'Cause I don't own a creek, much less a pool.
What do I do when warm as toast?
Boast!!
That I never felt better,
So I simply won't roast!
When winter's at its coldest,
I shiver and I shrink,
I haven't got a coat, much less a mink.
But does that mean I'm losin' hope?
Nope!!
Since I never felt better,
Tell me why should I mope?
Why mope?
No soap!
Won't cry,
Not I.
The days I go out shoppin',
I buy each thing I see,
I charge 'em, then I feel I got 'em free.
So where will I receive my mail!
Jail!
But I never felt better,
So I'm cruisin' full sail.

PATTER

The thing I dearly love to do is worry,
I dearly love to worry and complain.
So help me check my list,
And see if I have missed
A possible source of misery and pain —
A possible source of misery and pain.
How's your appetite? / Tremendous!
How's your energy? / Stupendous!
Are you strong? / So strong I have to watch my step.
How're your eyes? / Bright as a penny.
And your sleep? / I don't need any, but I'm always on the ball and full of pep.
How's your heart? / It must be tickin', 'cause I feel alive and kickin'.
How's your brain? / Well, it's insane but kinda quick.
How's your love life? / I got plenty.
How's your vision? / Twenty-twenty, must confess that I'm depressingly unsick!

REFRAIN 3

If I'm to cross the ocean,
I better learn to float,
I can't afford a raft, much less a boat!
But would I love to see Paree?
Oui!!
Still I never felt better,
So Pomona suits me!
And Heidelburg would thrill me,
I'd buy a dress of chintz
And go right out and land a student prince.
But will I ever cross the Rhine?
Nein!!
Still I never felt better,
So the beach will do fine.
No Rhine,
That's fine!
Won't see
Paree.
I haven't got a worry,
I haven't got a care
About what I should buy or what to wear.
Got no diamond solitaire:
So what?
Y'know what?
I consider diamonds kinda square.
Besides, I never felt better, and I'm walkin'
On
Air!!