Classic Poem

Much wine had past with grave discourse
Of who Fucks who and who does worse
Such as you usually doe hear
From those that diet at the Beare
When I who still take care to see
Drunkenness Reliev'd by Leachery
Went out into Saint James's Park
To coole my head and fire my heart.
But tho' Saint James has the Honor on't
'Tis Consecrate to Prick and Cunt.
There by a most incestuous Birth
Strange woods spring from the Teeming Earth
For they Relate how heretofore
When auncient Pict began to whore
Deluded of his Assignation
(Jylting it seems was then in fashion)
Poor pensive Lover in this place
Wou'd frigg upon his Mothers face
Whence Rowes of Mandrakes tall did rise
Whose lewd Topps Fuckt the very Skies
Each imitative branch does twine
In some lov'd fold of Aretine
And nightly now beneath their shade
Are Buggeries, Rapes, and Incests made:
Unto this all-sin-sheltring Grove
Whores of the Bulk, and the Alcove,
Great Ladies, Chamber Mayds, and Drudges,
The Ragg picker, and Heiress Trudges;
Carrmen, Divines, Great Lords, and Taylors,
Prentices, Poets, Pimps, and Gaolers,
Footmen, Fine Fopps, doe here arrive,
And here promiscuously they swive.
Along these hallow'd walkes it was
That I beheld Corinna pass.
Who ever had bin by to see
The prowd disdain she cast on Mee
Through charming eies he would have swore
She dropt from Heaven that very Hour
Forsakeing the Divine abode
In scorn of some dispaireing God.
But mark what Creatures women are
How infinitly vile when fair:
Three Knights of the Elboe and the Slurr
With wriggling tailes made up to her.
 The first was of your Whitehall Blades
Nere kin to the Mother of the Mayds
Grac'd by whose favor he was able
To bring a Freind to the waiters Table
Where he had heard Sir Edward Sutton
Say how the King lov'd Banstead Mutton;
Since when hee'd nere be brought to eat
By's good will any other meat.
In this as well as all the rest
He ventures to doe like the best
But wanting Common Sence, th'ingredient
In chooseing well not least expedient
Converts abortive Imitation
To universall Affectation.
Thus he not only eats and Talks
But feels and smells sitts down and walks
Nay looks, and lives, and loves by Rote
In an old Tawdry Birthday Coat.
 The second was a Grays Inn witt
A great Inhabiter of the Pitt
Where Crittick-like he sitts and squints
Steales Pockett Handkerchers and hints
From's Neighbour and the Comedy
To Court and pay his Landlady.
 The third a Ladyes Eldest Son
Within few yeares of Twenty one
Who hopes from his propitious Fate
Against he comes to his Estate
By these Two Worthies to be made
A most accomplish'd tearing blade.
 One in a strain 'twixt Tune and Nonsence
Cries Madam I have lov'd you long since
Permitt me your fair hand to kiss;
When at her Mouth her Cunt cries yes.
In short without much more adoe
Joyfull and pleas'd away she flew
And with these Three Confounded Asses
From Park to Hackney Coach she passes.
 So a prowd Bitch does lead about
Of humble Currs the Amorous Rout
Who most obsequiously doe hunt
The savory scent of salt swoln Cunt.
Some power more patient now Relate
The sence of this surpriseing Fate.
Gods! that a thing admir'd by mee
Shou'd fall to so much Infamy.
Had she pickt out to rub her Arse on
Some stiff prickt Clown or well hung Parson
Each jobb of whose spermatique sluce
Had fill'd her Cunt with wholesome Juice
I the proceeding should have praisd
In hope she had quench'd a fire I rais'd.
Such naturall freedomes are but Just
There's something Genrous in meer lust.
But to turn damn'd abandon'd Jade
When neither Head nor Taile perswade
To be a Whore in understanding
A passive pott for Fools to spend in.
The Devill play'd booty sure with Thee
To bring a blott on Infamy.
But why am I of all Mankind
To so severe a Fate design'd
Ungratefull! Why this Treachery
To humble fond beleiveing mee
Who gave you Priviledge above
The nice allowances of Love?
Did ever I refuse to bear
The meanest part your Lust could spare
When your lewd Cunt came spewing home
Drench't with the seed of halfe the Town
My dram of sperm was sup't up after
For the digestive surfeit water.
Full gorged at another time
With a vast meal of nasty slime
Which your devouring Cunt had drawn
From Porters Backs and Footmens brawn
I was content to serve you up
My Ballock full for your Grace cupp
Nor ever thought it an abuse
While you had pleasure for excuse
You that cou'd make my heart away
For noise and Colour and betray
The secretts of my tender houres
To such knight errant Paramours
When leaneing on your faithless breast
Wrapt in security and rest
Soft kindness all my powers did move
And Reason lay dissolv'd in Love.
 May stinking vapours Choak your womb
Such as the Men you doat upon
May your depraved Appetite
That cou'd in whiffling Fools delight
Begett such Frenzies in your Mind
You may goe madd for the North wind
And fixing all your hopes upont
To have him bluster in your Cunt
Turn up your longing Arse to the Air
And perrish in a wild dispair.
 But Cowards shall forgett to rant,
School-Boyes to Frigg, old whores to paint;
The Jesuits Fraternity
Shall leave the use of Buggery;
Crab-louse inspir'd with Grace divine
From Earthly Codd to Heaven shall climb;
Phisitions shall believe in Jesus
And Dissobedience ceace to please us
E're I desist with all my Power
To plague this woman and undoe her.
But my Revenge will best be tim'd
When she is Married, that is lym'd.
In that most lamentable state
I'le make her feel my scorn and hate
Pelt her with scandalls, Truth or lies
And her poor Curr with Jealousies
Till I have torn him from her Breech
While she whines like a Dogg-drawn Bitch
Loath'd, and despis'd, Kick't out of Town
Into some dirty Hole alone
To chew the Cudd of Misery
And know she owes it all to Mee.
 And may no Woman better thrive
 That dares prophane the Cunt I swive.