Classic Poem

They'll doubtless teach the maiden wise
How best to use her sparkling eyes,
And with a glance flashed through the dark
Unerringly to hit the mark.
They'll teach her, natheless, how to say
Her Lover " No " in such a way
That he'll discern in his distress
A " No " is oft a form of " Yes . "

They'll take a maiden free of guile
And teach her clearly how to smile
Flirtatiously, yet innocent
Of consequences consequent.
They'll lecture her on " Methods Sure
To hold a Wavering Swain Secure, "
And all the other sundry arts
To make her Bachelor of Hearts.

As for the lads, they'll teach them " Fine
Points of the Eternal Feminine " ;
They'll show them how, when they would please,
All maidens go by contraries;
How when they smile on other men
And turn from one, nine times in ten
That one they love, and do this thing
To tie him to their apron-string.

They'll teach them signals of alarms.
Just when and where to " take to arms, "
And how the eye that's turned away
Means " come again some other day " ;
How tears may be a sign of joy,
And frowns no more than a decoy;
And when great crises must be faced
How best to utilize the waist.