Classic Poem

XXVI.

Say how far off, as grey crow flies,
Did Blarneygig's dark turrets rise
From the morasses where was slain
The rat by the O'Shaughnashane?
A toilsome length — four leagues at least!
Wind whistled chilly from the east,
And eastward from the castle lay
The swamps whereon the chief did stray,
Wafting its sounds the adverse way.
Yet when the wretched rat was crushed,
Loud on the heath a twangle rushed
That rung out supper grand and big
From the cracked bell of Blarneygig.
The festive metal's blundering tone
Well to Sir Tooleywhagg was known,
Who, ear-directed by its sound,
Squashed darkling through the rotten ground.
So erst did Satan (as 'tis sung
By thee, great Bard! who England's tongue
To such sublime perfection wrought
It only sunk beneath thy thought —
By thee who, loyal to the Muse,
Thy King didst prosingly abuse —
By thee, like Homer, reft of sight,
Like Homer gifted to delight!) —
So erst did Satan drag his tail
O'er bog, o'er steep, or moory dale,
And wading through mud, mire, and clay,
With head, hands, feet, pursue his way.
At length against his castle-gate
A hubaboo he gave full late.
The muzzy porter, Con Macguire,
Roused his blown carcass from the fire
And oped the portal. Swift as light,
Passing his vassal, shot the knight.
When past, the vassal locked with care
The gate, and muttered " Who goes there? "
O'ercome with transport and fatigue
(Oh, he had zigzagged many a league!)
In to his dame, in slumbers hushed,
The great Sir Tooleywhagg he pushed;
And falling on his stomach flat,
Roared, " Judy, I have killed the rat! "

XXVII.

" Speed, Looney, speed! " next morning cried
The jocund chief; " for thou must ride
Fleet as the bolt that rends the tree
On rocky Cloghernochartee.
Speed, Looney! speed to every guest,
Ride north and south, ride east and west!
Saddle grey Golloch, spur him hard
From Glartyflarty to Klanard,
From Killybegs to Killaleagh,
Cross Ulster's province — haste away!
Speed, Looney, speed! Invite them all:
Baron Fitz Gallyhogmagawl,
Dennis O'Rourke of Ballyswill,
D'Arcy, and pale Mac Twiddledill;
All the O'Brans, O'Finns, O'Blanes,
Mac Gras, Mac Naughtans, and Mac Shanes.
I hold a feast — thou know'st the day —
Speed, Looney! Looney, haste away!

XXVIII.

The day arrived; the guests were met;
High in his hall the chief was set,
The horn he emptied, soon as filled,
And filling soon as empty, swilled.
All swilled alike, each Erin's son
Appeared a bursting living tun.
'Twas at that crisis of the feast
When purpled man is almost beast;
When either friend his friend provokes,
By hiccoughing affronts for jokes,
Or goblets at the head are sent,
Before affronts are given or meant;
A vassal (now 'twas waxing late)
Announced a stranger at the gate.
" A stranger! " spluttered forth the knight;
" Tell him he's welcome to alight. "
" Plase you, " returned the vassal, pale,
" She is, my chieftain, not a male!
She's mantled in a sea-green weed,
And mounted on a rat-tailed steed;
Her face is covered, but she speaks
Like murmuring waves, her stallion squeaks;
And such a rider, such a nag,
You never saw, Sir Tooleywhagg. "
Startled, half-sobered, sore displeased,
The knight a swaling candle seized,
And staggering through his castle court,
He reached the spectre at the port.
The apparition raised its veil,
And showed the features, ashly pale!
With ringlets, blood-drenched, in her neck,
O the sad Lady of the Wreck.

XXIX.

" Perjured seducer, list! " she said,
" And tremble at the doubly dead;
By thee, to desperation urged,
I plunged, and drowned — for thee emerged.
The ring drawn off, it gave me power
(For know, 'twas charmed) from that same hour
To join thee, cruellest of men!
In one shape more till death again.
Doting, I came: to thee I fled,
A little faithful quadruped;
Doting, with thee, from shore to shore,
I swam and trotted Europe o'er.
Was I not constant as thy bride?
Why drive me first down Erin's tide,
Then kill me since my suicide?
Perjured seducer, list! thy doom
Approaches: seek thy banquet-room;
Back to thy guests; renew the sport;
Be thy life merry, as 'tis short!
For learn, thy latest vital gasp
Ends with the candle in thy grasp.
Soon as burnt down, beyond all doubt,
Sir Tooleywhagg, thy life is out. "
She ceased — a sea-wave rolled to meet
Her squeaking rat-tailed palfrey's feet;
And foaming past the palsied knight,
Swept horse and rider from his sight.

XXX.

Wan as the spectre of the flood,
Before his guests the chieftain stood.
With trembling voice he told them all.
" Fate, " cried Fitz Gallyhogmagawl,
" To thee, my son-in law, doth give
Longer than other men to live.
If thou canst wave thy dying day
Until the candle burns away,
Thou mayst immortal be, Sir Knight,
Only by turning down the light. "
Oh! happy, happy thought! — 'twas done;
Sir Tooleywhagg a race might run,
And only burn out with the sun.

XXXI.

Again the horns were filled by all,
And ululations shook the hall,
While noise and whisky racked the brain,
Still kept the great O'Shaughnashane
(Who now mortality defied)
The turned-down candle by his side;
Till sapping, at each feverish toast,
The little sense a sot can boast,
Quite vanquished by potations deep,
The human swine all sunk to sleep.
What time they snorted loud, the fire
And every taper did expire.
A vassal entered, all was dark;
The turf he blew, but not a spark!
He groped the slopped oak table round,
And there at last a candle found;
The fatal candle! — at a lamp,
Upon the staircase, dim with damp,
Relumining the wick that gave
The chief of Blarneygig his grave,
He placed it where his lord might take
The light whenever he should wake.
Soon as the candle 'gan to burn,
Sir Tooleywhagg he gave a turn;
And groaned; but still his eyes were closed —
Death hovering round him while he dozed!
He dreamt of tempest, of a rat,
And nightmares rode him as he sat.
A thief within the candle got,
The heated chieftain grew more hot;
The candle in the socket blazed,
He oped his eyes, his head he raised.
That moment he had raised his head,
The light expired — the knight was dead!

Harp of the Pats! farewell! for truly I
Am growing very sick of minstrelsy; —
So get thee to the bog again! Good-bye!