Classic Poem

To C.S. Esquire

Dear Charles , I'm thus far come to see thy face,
Thy pretty face, but this unhappy place
Does not afford it, and I'm told by some,
That want of Tythes, makes thee thou can'st not come.
Why ( Charles ) art thou turn'd Priest? and at this time
When Priests themselves have made their coat a crime?
And tythes, which make men Priests, do so decay,
One other Schisme will preach them quite away:
Thou'lt near become it well, for I do find,
Wit in a pulpit is quite out of kind,
Thou canst not stand long, nor talk much, and lowd,
Nor thrash, nor couzen the admiring crowd,
And (which is worse) though th'hast a face, and hand,
A diamond ring, white glove, and clean lawn band,
Able to tempt an Abbess, yet, I find,
Thou canst not satisfie the Ladies mind,
What ere the matter is. But thou art wise,
And do'st best know thine own infirmities.
Let me advize thee ( Charles ) be as thou art,
A Poet, so thou needst not care a —
For all the turnes of time: who ere did know,
The Muses sequestred? or who can shew,
That ever wit paid taxes, or was rated?
Homer and Virgil nere were decimated:
Ovid indeed was banished, but for that,
Which, women say, you nere were ex'lent at.
But ( Charles ) thou art unjusticed, I'm told,
By one, who though not valiant, yet is bold
And that thou hast unfortunately met,
The blinded scourge o'th' Western Bajazet ,
Thrown from the bench like Lucifer , and are
In a fair way to be brought to the bar.
I'th' interim hang 'twixt both, as law doth name us,
A billa-vera-man , or Ignoramus
But I can't learn wherefore it is, nor how,
Though I've inquir'd of both, perhaps nor thou,
Some say 'tis for thy valour, which our time
In a wise Magistrate, accounts a crime
If it be true thou hast ill luck in this,
To have two vertues; and both plac'd amiss,
To thwart each other; when thou shouldst have been
A valiant Captain, wisdome was thy sin,
And so uncaptain'd thee; and now the time,
Calls for thy wisdom, valour is thy crime,
And so unjustic'd thee; unlucky wretch!
Two vertues want'st, yet has too much of each!
Who are compos'd thy mind plaid Babel -tricks,
Brought lyme and timber, when he should bring bricks
But we live in an age so full of lies,
I dare not trust my ears, nor scarce my eyes
I hope this is a lye too; but if true,
'Tis an affliction ( Charles ) that's justly due,
To thy desert; Our State holds it unfit,
One man should be a Justice, and a wit
Go ask thy Lady, if it were ever known,
A Man should be a Justice, and do none
Come be adviz'd by me, set out a book,
In English too, where Justices may look,
And learn their trade; let Presidents, of all
Warrants and mittimuses , great and small,
All Alehouse licenses, and other things,
Which to the Justices instruction brings,
Be there inserted; that the age to come,
(The children of such men as can get some)
May glorifie thy memory, and be
Thy prayses trumpets to posterity
As from one looking glass, thrown on the ground,
In every piece, a perfect face is found,
So from thy ruines, all may plainly see,
Legions of Justices as wise as thee.
Now having taken all this pains to see
Thy worship, and can find nor it, nor thee,
Pray come to I — bring thy beloved Sue ,
My Mat . and I will meet with her and you
And though my Mat's no Poet, you shall see,
She'l sit and laugh with or at us, that be
I'll make thy Lady merry, and laugh untill,
She break that belly, which thou canst not fill.
Meantime pray give her one prolifick kiss,
Tell her it comes from me, and if that miss,
Give her another, and if both won't do,
Do that with three which can't be done by two
If thou com'st not, I shall have cause to curse
Iythes, like the lay'ty, and it may be worse.
My sufferings are more, then theirs can be,
They'l keep their tythes, but tythes keep thee from me.
But if thou can'st not come, be sure to write,
Don't rob at once, my hearing and my sight
If thou bring'st not thy body, send thy wit,
For we must laugh with thee, or else at it.English