Classic Poem

Bill Jones had been a-courtin' of Sairy-Ann — let's see:
Fer 'bout a year, I reckon, 'fore she fell in love with me;
And Bill, he had a daddy what had money, well as lan',
And that's why Bill was hopin' that he'd marry Sairy-Ann.

In fact, the thing wuz settled; Sairy's daddy he wuz — well,
When his cotton paid the mortgage didn't have a bale to sell;
An' he kept a-gittin' poorer, an' goin' down the hill,
An' that's why he wuz hopin' fer a son-in-law in Bill.

One day he said to Sairy: " If Jones's Bill should say
That he's tired of livin' single, you jest let him name the day;
He's a mighty likely feller, an' if marryin' is his plan
You'd better close the bargain while it's offerin', Sairy-Ann. "

An' Sairy thought it over, an' was lovin' of him strong,
For she didn't know no better till I took an' come along;
An' then, 'twuz " Goodby, Billy! " It wuz plain he warn't the man
What had been predestinated fer to marry Sairy-Ann.

But he 'lowed I'd never do it — marry Sairy — an' he went
A-talkin' it jest thataway all round the settlement;
An' as fer Sairy's daddy — he wuz mad enough to kill,
An' he loaded up his shotgun an' said: " Sairy is fer Bill! "

Warn't any chance of meetin' with Sairy: Day by day
I kept a thinkin', thinkin' how we'd take an' run away,
But the old man knowed a trick or two what beat the tricks I knowed,
An' when it comes to shotguns — well, I don't dispute the road!

But I'd set my mind to git her, an' her mind wuz set fer me,
So I kept right on a-schemin', jest as hopeful as could be;
Fer I knowed in spite of shotguns an' bull-dogs at the gates,
That, like the tax-collector, things'll come to them what waits.

An' they come! 'Twuz Sairy's birthday, an' the old man — he wuz proud!
He give a phantom party — had the biggest kind of crowd!
There was dancin' by the fiddle, an' a lot of gals to ask,
An' at these here phantom parties everybody wears a mask .

I went — dressed as a woman — frills an' flounces flyin' high!
An' the way the old man met me! ... I jest thought that I would die!
" Walk this way, ma'am! Hang yer hat up; have this rocker fer a seat! "
(An' I hadn't more'n crossed my legs 'fore some one said: " What feet! " )

I wuz feelin' kinder curious: mule an' buggy there, outside,
An' no chance to whisper Sairy if she'd like to take a ride?
But I finally got to her, pinched her arm an' made her know,
An' when she got done laughin' she jest told me: " Yes, she'd go! "

But the old man — it wuz funny! follerin' me all roun' the hall!
He took a fancy to me! Said: " He liked a woman tall! "
(I wuz most afeared he'd ax me fer to marry him, an' so
I kept him at a distance, kaze I'd had to tell him " No! "

He talked this way: " It's lonesome fer a widower like me,
An' when Sairy-Ann gits married to Billy, where'll I be?
No one to love an' talk to when the evenin' shadders flit —
I reckon you ain't married? " (An' I told him: " No; not yit! " )

He was jest about proposin' when Sairy pulled my sleeve,
An' I knowed that wuz the signal that 'twuz gittin' time to leave!
So I edged off from him quiet to the back door — open wide —
Got Sairy in the buggy an' — wuz ready fer the ride!
. . . . . . . .
Away we went a-dashin' through the darkness! ... Never knowed
When I come to think it over, how that old mule kept the road!
Over stumps, an' over ditches, with a jostle an' a jolt! ...
But Sairy's arms wuz round me, an' I hollered: " Keep yer holt! "
. . . . . . . .

There warn't nobody follerin': They hadn't missed us, an'
If they had, it didn't matter, fer they thought I warn't a man!
But it warn't no time fer triflin', so we kept a-flyin' still
'Till we struck the ordinary's — jest this side o' Wells's Mill.
Then we both got out the buggy: Sairy frightened, more or less,
An' me fishin' fer the license an' — a-gittin' out that dress!
An' when I'd got the muslin' an' the hoops from round my boots,
I stood 'longside of Sairy in the best of weddin' suits!
. . . . . . . .
We wuz married in a minute, an' in drivin' back to town
We hearn a heap of hollerin' — seen lights a-flashin' roun'.
'Twas the old man's phantom party — stumblin' over roots
An' bridges, huntin' Sairy an' that woman with the — boots!

We drove right in the middle of the crowd — I seen it all! —
The old man — he looked daggers, an' — Bill Jones looked awful small!
But I seen the old man weaken when I told him: " Don't feel blue:
I wuz promised to your daughter, an' I couldn't marry you! "