Member Poem

As I balance the past and future, here and there, before and now,
the weight drowns me under the waves of my anxiety.
I struggle to stay afloat as I am pulled under away from all I know,
free floating into oblivion, unsure if I am flying or falling.
It is here I unexpectedly find myself,
as the sounds around me harmonize with the beat of my heart,
as my outer layer that was once hard as stone is stripped down baring all that was held back.
The lines around my eyes, my mouth crack; and give way to a light one has not seen.
I cave in to the bittersweet reality of what it is I need, 
as outside forces fail at their attempt to tell me what is right.
I am pulled beneath an undertow of an array of emotions at battle;
Happiness and serenity, nostalgia and sadness, excitement and anxiety,
An unknown longing intertwining with a rush of adrenaline of that which is in front of me.
As the surroundings from my past blur, my pulse beats rhythmically to the sounds that call my soul home.
It brings me closer to where you are, to a place where my heart and mind settle and fall in line, 
where my scars fade, where my flaws transform into beauty so real it destroys me;
where I'm standing on the edge of my fears while I watch them dissipate before me in hindsight.
My tears form a kaleidoscope in which redemption is brought into focus;
Not too long before this too will fade, before I struggle to find my way back home.
My heart clasps tightly onto the memory falling away. 
My mind drifts as I hold on to all I know to be true,
as it struggles to come to the realization that life is a balance of holding on and letting go, giving and taking away.
Nothing is more terrifying than when you come to find, in the end, only you can truly save yourself, and become your own constant.
As I come to be lost in reverie, I still remember that of which secured my thoughts and made me whole again.
I won't let go nor am able to shake the feeling of the inevitable.