Classic Poem

Advice to Dr. OATES not to be Melancholly in 1685, when a Prisoner in the King's Bench.

A S I'm inform'd, on Monday last you sat
As dismal as a Melancholly Cat,
Folding your Arms, and pulling down your Hat
Over your Eyes, and groaning in a Chair,
As if you did for God knows what despair:
Fye, Doctor, Fye! you know it is a Folly,
Thus to submit and yield to Melancholly;
For 'twill mutabilate poor Nature's Light,
And turn it's Day into a gloomy Night:
Alas! what if you have been often stript,
And at a Cart's-Arse so severely whipt,
That Rivulets of Blood ran dawn your Back,
Through Slashes given you by Hangman Jack ?
And further (which was Punishment enough,)
What tho' you sometimes wore a Wooden Ruff?
And what if Oates be now laid in a Gaol,
('Stead of a Barn) and thresh'd with that same Flall
We call Contempt? Shit, let 'em kiss your Tail.
'Long as (through Providence) you are supported
By all the Holy Sisters, and are courted
Almost of all your Presbyterian Brothers;
What need you care whose Dunghill, Sir, you shit on?
Those that take up the Sword for G — — must fight on.
But if your Sadness does proceed from Fear
Of being mounted on a Three-legg'd-Mare ,
And (in a Line) to Preach a Sermon there;
Well may you Melancholly be, and vex,
Because the Jade does always break the Necks
Of those that ride upon her: Therefore sure
Nothing so great a Penance can endure.
Or Doctor, if you have an inward Sting,
For swearing falsly against Pickering ,
And many more innocent poor Wretches,
Your Heart must needs be grip'd and full of Stitches,
And you may well through Fear beshit your Breeches.
If you are guilty of those horrid Crimes,
Defer not, Doctor, but repent betimes:
If your Heart be Flinty hard, and Stony
Doubtless you'll be damn'd, and go to Tony:
That was the subtle Fox that set you on;
He eat the Meat, and made you pick the Bone;
He ran away, and left the Goose alone.
But who can help it? 'Tis in vain to fret;
By vexing you may lose, but nothing get,
Therefore be Merry, Sir, as you were won't;
Instead of fulsome, use a wholesome —