Almanac Verse
Thus Reader, by our Astrologick Art,
Future Events we unto thee impart;
But yet 'tis with this Reservation, tho'
If they not come to pass, we'd have them do.
For all Predictions do to this belong,
That Either they are right, or they are wrong.
January's Observations
The best defence against the Cold
Which our Fore-fathers good did hold,
Was early a full Pot of Ale,
Neither too mild nor yet too stale,
Well drenched for the more behoof
With Toast cut round about the Loaf.
The Weather is very cold; but where Jealousie is hot,
That house is Hell, and the Woman the Master Devil thereof.
February's Observations
You lads and Lasses would repine,
Should we forget St. Valentine:
When Young men do present their Loves
With Scarfs, with Ribons, and with Gloves,
And to shew manners not forgot-all
Give them a lick under the Snot-gall;
Then one a Cur[t]sie drops anon,
And smiling says, I thank thee, John.
March
Now if thy Body be not well
This month for Physick doth excel;
But choose a Doctor skill'd in Art,
Not Quacks growing rich by others smart.
April
This being the time of Spring,
Young Folks do love like any thing.
But Love is made of different mettle,
Of Joy, and Pain; in Dock out Nettle.
A painful pleasure pleasing pain,
A gainful Loss, a loosing Gain,
And therefore Freinds take my advice,
Love none but vertuous, rich, and wise.
May
This is Love's month, else Poets lie, what then?
Why then, young maids are apt to kiss young men:
But for old maids unmarried, 'tis a sign,
They either do want beauty, or else Coyn. Many Weddings this Month: but the people coup[l]ed very unequally, a sneaking Woodcock joyned to a wanton Wagtail, a Henpeckt Buzzard to a chattering Magpie. Mars in a Trine aspect with Jupiter, denotes, that a Dung-Cart full of nail pareings will be better to dung Land than a Bushel full of live Buggs or Musquitoes.
June
The Sun is entred now into the Crab,
And days are hot, therefore beware a Drab;
With French diseases, they'l thy body fill,
Being such as bring Grist to the Surgeons Mill.
July
Now wanton Lads and Lasses do make Hay,
Which unto lewd temptation makes great way,
With tumbling on the cocks, which acted duly,
Doth cause much mischief in this month of July. I assure you upon the word of an Ass-trologer, we shall have no hard Frosts, nor deep Snows this month, but much blustering Weather with those women whose Husbands have been at the Ordinaries all day, and at night come home drunk.
August
Now doth the Dog-Star rule, therefore you must
For your health's sake astain from fleshly Lust.
Better it is your business hard to ply,
For to get in your Barley, Wheat, and Rye.
September
Now Landlords they prick up their ears,
Because St. Michael's day appears.
October
Who taKes a Giglet to his wife,
Must look to lead with her this life,
Each morning she will have brought up
A Candle in a silver Cup,
Then lie abed and take her ease,
And goe abroad when ere she please.
November
Cold shivering Winter now makes his addresses,
Adorned with his silver'd colour tresses.
Then get both wood and Rum if thou art able,
For now you'll find they'l both be comfortable.
December
This month the Cooks do very early rise,
To roast their meat, and make their Christmas pies.
Poor men at rich men's tables their gutts forrage
With roast beef, mince-pies, pudding and plum porrige.
Future Events we unto thee impart;
But yet 'tis with this Reservation, tho'
If they not come to pass, we'd have them do.
For all Predictions do to this belong,
That Either they are right, or they are wrong.
January's Observations
The best defence against the Cold
Which our Fore-fathers good did hold,
Was early a full Pot of Ale,
Neither too mild nor yet too stale,
Well drenched for the more behoof
With Toast cut round about the Loaf.
The Weather is very cold; but where Jealousie is hot,
That house is Hell, and the Woman the Master Devil thereof.
February's Observations
You lads and Lasses would repine,
Should we forget St. Valentine:
When Young men do present their Loves
With Scarfs, with Ribons, and with Gloves,
And to shew manners not forgot-all
Give them a lick under the Snot-gall;
Then one a Cur[t]sie drops anon,
And smiling says, I thank thee, John.
March
Now if thy Body be not well
This month for Physick doth excel;
But choose a Doctor skill'd in Art,
Not Quacks growing rich by others smart.
April
This being the time of Spring,
Young Folks do love like any thing.
But Love is made of different mettle,
Of Joy, and Pain; in Dock out Nettle.
A painful pleasure pleasing pain,
A gainful Loss, a loosing Gain,
And therefore Freinds take my advice,
Love none but vertuous, rich, and wise.
May
This is Love's month, else Poets lie, what then?
Why then, young maids are apt to kiss young men:
But for old maids unmarried, 'tis a sign,
They either do want beauty, or else Coyn. Many Weddings this Month: but the people coup[l]ed very unequally, a sneaking Woodcock joyned to a wanton Wagtail, a Henpeckt Buzzard to a chattering Magpie. Mars in a Trine aspect with Jupiter, denotes, that a Dung-Cart full of nail pareings will be better to dung Land than a Bushel full of live Buggs or Musquitoes.
June
The Sun is entred now into the Crab,
And days are hot, therefore beware a Drab;
With French diseases, they'l thy body fill,
Being such as bring Grist to the Surgeons Mill.
July
Now wanton Lads and Lasses do make Hay,
Which unto lewd temptation makes great way,
With tumbling on the cocks, which acted duly,
Doth cause much mischief in this month of July. I assure you upon the word of an Ass-trologer, we shall have no hard Frosts, nor deep Snows this month, but much blustering Weather with those women whose Husbands have been at the Ordinaries all day, and at night come home drunk.
August
Now doth the Dog-Star rule, therefore you must
For your health's sake astain from fleshly Lust.
Better it is your business hard to ply,
For to get in your Barley, Wheat, and Rye.
September
Now Landlords they prick up their ears,
Because St. Michael's day appears.
October
Who taKes a Giglet to his wife,
Must look to lead with her this life,
Each morning she will have brought up
A Candle in a silver Cup,
Then lie abed and take her ease,
And goe abroad when ere she please.
November
Cold shivering Winter now makes his addresses,
Adorned with his silver'd colour tresses.
Then get both wood and Rum if thou art able,
For now you'll find they'l both be comfortable.
December
This month the Cooks do very early rise,
To roast their meat, and make their Christmas pies.
Poor men at rich men's tables their gutts forrage
With roast beef, mince-pies, pudding and plum porrige.
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