Classic Poem

With attornies and bunts having fought very shy ,
To-night let us take off our glass,
Nor your company, Sirs , to the doctor deny,
Though his conduct has prov'd him an ass .

You've nothing to fear, and need not look queer ,
Though he puts on a borrowing face;
Only give him a hint that a bailiff is near,
And you'll stop the request of the ass , the ass , &c.

There's a word with a diphthong , I hate the dull sound,
O ECONOMY , quick let it pass;
If I'd had it , I should have had many a pound,
And then who had call'd me an ass ;

But why Mr. Doctor so free with yourself,
Never think on these clouds , let them pass ,
Tho' you have not the art to be saving of pelf ,
You may every day see such an ass .

There are lords, there are knights, there are captains and beaux,
And many a gay going lass ;
But ask them their taylor 's RECEIPT for their cloaths
And you'll make them as dull as an ass .

In my pocket could I any goldfinches spy,
Any bills , any notes that would pass ,
With your great-men who then had been greater than I,
And how soon had been dubb'd a just — ass?

Did my Q UIPAGE stop at a good b — — p's gate,
Did I put on a canting grimace ,
My lord wou'd bow low , and my parts wou'd be great,
And his chaplain would worship the ass .

Or did I a M IN — 's levee frequent,
Talk of boroughs and votes with a face ,
And that all to his honor and friends I'd present,
I should loll in my stall , though an ass .

If a fortune we gain, whatever the means ,
The world gives no homage and place ;
The tricks of a villain have always their screens ,
And money excuses the ass .

In his fine body-cloaths the sleek-coated STEED ,
For a brute of great fashion will pass,
With a switch we just tickle , to hasten his speed,
But how drubb'd and how thwack'd the poor ass .

Who sees any fault in a man of estate ,
If of fortune the fool we embrace,
And suits made at P ARIS , with side-boards of plate ,
Are trappings to cover an ass .

The poor curate well learn'd in his Latin and Greek ,
The dull blockhead is said to surpass;
But he that with purse to the purpose can speak,
Is sure to succeed , though an ass .

If the schemes of our politick statesmen we view,
How from party to party they pass,
We shall find that their int'rest they mean to pursue,
And he that gets nothing 's the ass.

The grumbling OUTS with their flings and their flouts ,
With some for great patriots may pass;
But he that can grin with the folks that are in ,
I never shall think is an ass .

But no prize can I get in these politick wheels ,
So remain in sad poverty 's class,
And who dangles at court till he's quite out at heels ,
Like me must be reckon'd an ass.

Says I to the b — p, My lord, we have been
Old acquaintance , and drank off our glass;
Ay, but poverty , Sir, says my lord, is a sin ,
And I dare not prefer such an ass .

And now I will finish my whimsical strains;
And drown all my cares in a glass;
For the longer a moneyless parson complains,
The more he exposes the ass .

Where's a generous soul let him now be the toast ,
And see that you fill up your glass;
And if afterwards, Sirs, you've a mind for a roast ,
Let some miser go round for the ass .

In a dirty church-yard , when we all lie and rot ,
And our MUCKWORMS to other WORMS pass,
Then who's rich or who's poor , it mattereth not,
And the lion 's no more than the ass .