Classic Poem

I heard a young efficiency expert
Remark, " A man should never sleep by day. "
When I heard this I felt a trifle hurt:
A nap does help to pass the time away!
Upon the filing case my head I lay,
Massage my soul with slumber long and deep —
I must have been compact of drowsy clay
For nothing rests me quite as much as sleep.

The boss has sometimes made a comment curt,
And says he will abbreviate my pay,
Then I have tried to make a valiant spurt
And keep the dear old Lethargy at bay.
No use! my mind is heavy as a dray,
I never need to count a row of sheep.
Upon my rolltop desk I hit the hay,
For nothing rests me quite as much as sleep.

Stenographers have waited, all alert,
To hear what grave dictation I might say —
Then suddenly my form becomes inert
And I collapse (to their intense dismay).
Though I have drunk black coffee by the tray
My vital tide won't rise above the neap.
Upon my spine my head begins to sway —
For nothing rests me quite as much as sleep.

ENVOY

No pillow, I with confidence assert,
Can beat three phone books piled up in a heap.
Siestas should be public and overt,
For nothing rests me quite as much as sleep.