The Barber 's Art, no trivial Whim:
Muse sing! in Numbers neat and trim .
At first, Fame tells, unpolish'd Shepherds
With Scythes and Sheers were wont to clip-Beards;
And Pumice us'd as sharp as Pins,
Rough Tool, to smooth their woolly Chins;
Rude Trimmers , who with Rakes and Crooks
Comb'd their plain Locks, their Glass the Brooks;
That antient Mirrour, that, Heav'n bless us!
So fatal prov'd to poor Narcissus .
But when young Jove a Wencher grew,
Shrewd Hermes (if the Bards say true)
Invented Razor, Washball, Powder,
To make his foppling Godship prouder;
Shav'd him in some caelestial Arbour,
And was the first acknowledg'd Barber .
From Heav'n, with the aethereal Coal,
This Art the Filch Prometheus stole;
And whatsoe'er mad Poets feign,
How he by Thunderbolts was slain,
And all those fabling things they've said on't,
'Twas known he after made a Trade on't;
Took Shop, his pristine Pole erected,
Throve sast, liv'd snug, and well respected;
Made for green Heads, as Fame declares,
Warm Caps of grey sagacious Hairs,
Since nick-nam'd by our modern Prigs,
Toupees and Bobtail Perriwigs;
And since his Days this Art divine,
By hireling Rogues, for sordid Coin,
Is quite prophan'd, who scrub Men's Hides
In Alehouse, and by Highway Sides;
And, to the Brotherhood's great Offence,
In Alleys shave, for single Pence,
Draw Stumps, vend Med'cines, bleed and blister,
Et ectera — — all for Ends Sinister.
From thee , dear gentle Occupation
The Beau acquires his Reputation;
Gains the smooth Lip, clear shorn of Hair,
So fit to press the tender Fair:
The Pig-Tail dangling to the Waist,
With the white Crown bedaub'd with Paste;
Or the broad Bag, o'er which appears
A staring Length of powder'd Ears.
The Darby Captain owes to thee
His Whiskers quaint, and Rammilee,
That looks so stern, so Raven-black-on-him,
Wou'd sright grim Satan from attacking him;
The rural Squire , that puttish Spark,
Shines signal by the Barber 's Mark;
By the trim Mop, short-curl'd, and Bob,
Close sticking to his empty Nob — —
By the gay Cue, or formal Tie,
The Dancing-Master we descry.
The rich old Citizen , suppose,
By the Wig smoth'ring up his Nose.
And the huge Bush of grizzle Hairs,
Thro' which the Face sagacious stares,
With Head erect, and seldom stirr'd,
Demure as sage Minerva 's Bird,
When perch'd some Ivy-Tree or Oak in,
Does the grave Judge forsooth, betoken.
The Ladies too, have oft, 'tis said,
Been Debtors to the Tonsor 's aid:
Semiramis , th' Assyrian Queen,
Peruk'd like Bully-Rake was seen;
And Messalina , Jilt egregious,
(So Hist'ries with th' Account oblige us)
A Red-hair'd Tire was wont to use,
Dress of lewd Madam in the Stews.
Ev'n in our Times the Fair, 'tis known,
Are grac'd with Tresses not their own,
When (bald, or grown with Age quite grizzle)
They bloom anew in borrow'd Frizzle.
Muse sing! in Numbers neat and trim .
At first, Fame tells, unpolish'd Shepherds
With Scythes and Sheers were wont to clip-Beards;
And Pumice us'd as sharp as Pins,
Rough Tool, to smooth their woolly Chins;
Rude Trimmers , who with Rakes and Crooks
Comb'd their plain Locks, their Glass the Brooks;
That antient Mirrour, that, Heav'n bless us!
So fatal prov'd to poor Narcissus .
But when young Jove a Wencher grew,
Shrewd Hermes (if the Bards say true)
Invented Razor, Washball, Powder,
To make his foppling Godship prouder;
Shav'd him in some caelestial Arbour,
And was the first acknowledg'd Barber .
From Heav'n, with the aethereal Coal,
This Art the Filch Prometheus stole;
And whatsoe'er mad Poets feign,
How he by Thunderbolts was slain,
And all those fabling things they've said on't,
'Twas known he after made a Trade on't;
Took Shop, his pristine Pole erected,
Throve sast, liv'd snug, and well respected;
Made for green Heads, as Fame declares,
Warm Caps of grey sagacious Hairs,
Since nick-nam'd by our modern Prigs,
Toupees and Bobtail Perriwigs;
And since his Days this Art divine,
By hireling Rogues, for sordid Coin,
Is quite prophan'd, who scrub Men's Hides
In Alehouse, and by Highway Sides;
And, to the Brotherhood's great Offence,
In Alleys shave, for single Pence,
Draw Stumps, vend Med'cines, bleed and blister,
Et ectera — — all for Ends Sinister.
From thee , dear gentle Occupation
The Beau acquires his Reputation;
Gains the smooth Lip, clear shorn of Hair,
So fit to press the tender Fair:
The Pig-Tail dangling to the Waist,
With the white Crown bedaub'd with Paste;
Or the broad Bag, o'er which appears
A staring Length of powder'd Ears.
The Darby Captain owes to thee
His Whiskers quaint, and Rammilee,
That looks so stern, so Raven-black-on-him,
Wou'd sright grim Satan from attacking him;
The rural Squire , that puttish Spark,
Shines signal by the Barber 's Mark;
By the trim Mop, short-curl'd, and Bob,
Close sticking to his empty Nob — —
By the gay Cue, or formal Tie,
The Dancing-Master we descry.
The rich old Citizen , suppose,
By the Wig smoth'ring up his Nose.
And the huge Bush of grizzle Hairs,
Thro' which the Face sagacious stares,
With Head erect, and seldom stirr'd,
Demure as sage Minerva 's Bird,
When perch'd some Ivy-Tree or Oak in,
Does the grave Judge forsooth, betoken.
The Ladies too, have oft, 'tis said,
Been Debtors to the Tonsor 's aid:
Semiramis , th' Assyrian Queen,
Peruk'd like Bully-Rake was seen;
And Messalina , Jilt egregious,
(So Hist'ries with th' Account oblige us)
A Red-hair'd Tire was wont to use,
Dress of lewd Madam in the Stews.
Ev'n in our Times the Fair, 'tis known,
Are grac'd with Tresses not their own,
When (bald, or grown with Age quite grizzle)
They bloom anew in borrow'd Frizzle.