Classic Poem

List all you Californ'y boys
And open wide your ears
For now we start across the plains
With a herd of mules and steers.
Now bear it in mind before you start
That you'll eat jerked beef not ham
And antelope steak oh cuss the stuff
It often proves a sham.

You cannot find a stick of wood
On all this prairie wide
Whene'er you eat you've got to stand
Or sit on some old bull hide.
It's fun to cook with Buffalo Chips
Or Mesquite green as corn
If I'd once known what I know now
I'd have gone around Cape Horn.

The women have the hardest time
Who emigrate by land
For when they cook out in the wind
They're sure to burn their hands.
Then they scold their husbands 'round
Get mad and spill the tea
I'd have thanked my stars if they'd not come out
Upon this bleak prairie.

Most every night we put out guards
To keep the Indians off
When night comes round some heads will ache
And some begin to cough.
To be deprived of help at night
You know it's mighty hard
But every night there's someone sick
To get rid of standing guard.

Then they're always talking of what they've got
And what they're going to do
Some will say they are content
For I've got as much as you.
Others will say I'll buy or sell
And damned if I care which
Others will say boys buy him out
For he doesn't own a stitch.

Old rawhide shoes are Hell on corns
While tramping through the sands
And driving a Jackass by the tail
Damn the overland.
I would as lief be on a raft at sea
And there at once be lost
John let's leave this poor old mule
We'll never get him across.