Classic Poem

MRS. S ., MISS ELIZA KEAN , AND MISS AMELIA ST. CLAIR .

The School Room. Amelia .

I'm vexed! I hate arithmetic!
To learn it I've tried in vain;
I've really half a mind to say,
I'll never, never try again.
My brain is quite distracted now,
This horrid sum I cannot do;
'Tis far too intricate for me,
And Mr. Howard knows it too. E LIZA .
You little termagant! and so
You hate arithmetic you say,
But what, Amelia, would you do
Were you to study Algebra? Amelia .
Talk not of Algebra to me. E LIZA .
Now don't begin to scold again;
Why to the study you're averse,
If you will listen I'll explain;
You do not clearly comprehend
The puzzling rule of three, you know,
The parts you understand you like,
And you have often told me so;
I will admit 'tis rather hard,
But don't condemn 'till understood. M RS . S.
Ah! quite a lecture, to be sure.
I own the arguments are good. E LIZA .
Amelia, you must persevere,
Work earnestly and faithfully;
Try once, twice, thrice, and if you fail,
Make other efforts — three times three;
And if these efforts prove in vain,
Continue on till four times four;
If still, be not discouraged yet,
Add five times twenty or six score.

Enter M ESSRS . T HEODORE L ORAINE AND H OWARD JR . M R . L ORAINE .

Why what's the matter, Mrs. S.,
A warm discussion I have heard? (T O Amelia .)
How goes Arithmetic? Amelia .

Oh dear!
I from my heart detest the word. M RS . S.
How now, Amelia, pouting still,
And throwing all advice away? —
Come, come, my child, be vexed no more,
You do not mean one half you say. M R . H OWARD .
If we our talents misimprove,
We have ourselves alone to blame;
I, Mrs. S., appeal to you,
And Mr. Theodore Loraine. E LIZA .
I like arithmetic the best
Of all the studies I pursue;
What beauty there's in Algebra!
Music in plus and minus too;
In co-efficients, index, all,
What do you think of such a term?
I mean to preach till you resolve
That Algebra with me you'll learn. M RS . S.
Hold to it, Lizzy. E LIZA .
So I will. M R . L ORAINE .
Amelia soon will like it well. M R . H OWARD .
I think our recess time is up,
So now I'll go and ring the bell. Amelia .
Hear me, my dearest Mrs. S.,
I feel the force of all you say,
And from this moment I will strive
Your kindly precepts to obey. (T O E LIZA .)
I can't resist your arguments,
But may I on your aid depend? E LIZA .
With pleasure all I can I'll do, —
But now to history we'll attend.