Classic Poem

C OOKE Laurell wold needs have the devill his guest,
who came in his hole to the Peake to dinner,
Where neu er ffeend had such a feast
p ro vided him yet att the charge of a sinner.

His stomacke was queasie, he came thither coachet,
the Iogging itt made some crudityes ryse;
to helpe itt hee Called for a puritan pochet
that vsed to turne up the eggs of his eyes

And soe recovered to his wish,
he sett him downe & fell to Meate;
Promooters in plumbe broth was his first dish,
his owne priuye kitchen had noe such meate.

Sixe pickeld taylors slasht & cutt,
With Sempsters & tire women ffitt for his pallatt,
W i th ffeathermen & p er fumers put
Some 12 in a charger, to make a graue sallett.

Yett thoe with this hee much was taken,
Upon a sudden hee shifted his trencher,
& soone he spyed the Baude & Bacon
by w hi ch you may know the devill is a wencher.

A rich ffatt vserer stewed in his Marrowe,
& by him a lawyers head in greene sawce,
both w hi ch his belly tooke in Like a barrowe
As if tell then he had neu er seene sowce

Then, Carbonadoed & cooket w i th paynes,
was sett on a clouen sergeants face;
the sawce was made of his yeamans braynes,
tha t had beene beaten out w i th his owne mace.

Tow roasted sherriffes came whole to the borde, —
the ffeast had beene nothing w i thout them; —
both liuing & dead they were foxed & furred,
theire chaines like sawsinges hang about them.

The next dish was a Maior of a towne,
w i th a pudding of Maintenance [thrust] in his bellye,
like a goose in his fethers drest in his gowne,
& his couple of hinch boyes boyled to Iellye.

A London, Cuckold hott from the spitt:
but when the Carver vpp had broke him,
the devill chopt up his head att a bitt,
but the hornes were verry neere like to haue choakt him.

The chine of a leacher too there was roasted,
w i th a plumpe harlotts haunche & garlike;
a Panders petitoes tha t had boasted
himselfe for a Captaine, yet neu er was warlike.

A long ffatt pasty of a Midwiffe hot:
& for a cold baket meat into the storye,
a reu er end painted Lady was brought,
had beene confined in crust till shee was hooary.

To these an ou er worne justice of peace,
W i th a clarke like a gisarne trust vnder eche arme;
& warrants for sippitts laid in his owne grace,
Sett ore a chaffing dish to be kept warme.

Then broyled and broacht on a buchers pricke,
the kidney came in of a holy sister;
this bitt had almost made his devillshipp sicke,
tha t his doctor did feare he wold need a glister.

" ffor harke, " q uo th hee, " how his bellye rumbles! "
& then w i th his pawe, tha t was a reacher,
hee puld to a pye of a traitors numbles,
& the gibbletts of a silent teacher

The Iowle of a Iaylor was serued for a ffish,
w i th vinigar pist by the deane of Dustable;
tow aldermen lobsters a-sleepe in a dish,
w i th a dryed deputye & a sowcet constable.

These gott him soe feirce a stomacke againe,
tha t now he wants meate wheron to ffeeda:
he called for the victualls were drest for his traine,
and they brought him vp an alepotrida,

Wherein were mingled courtier, clowne,
tradsmen, marchants, banquerouts store,
Churchmen, Lawyers of either gowne, —
of civill, com m en, — player & whore,

Countess, servant, Ladyes, woman,
mistris, chambermaid, coachman, knight,
Lo rd & visher, groome & yeaman;
where first the ffeend w i th his forke did light

All w hi ch devowred, he now for to close
doth for a draught of Derbye ale call.
he heaued the huge vessell vp to his nose,
& left not till hee had drunk vp all.

Then from the table hee gaue a start,
where banquett & wine were nothing scarce;
all w hi ch hee blew away with a ffartt,
from wence itt was called the Devills arse.

And there he made such a breach with the winde,
the hole yett standing open the while,
the sente of the vay[pour] hee left behind
hath since infected most p ar t of the Ile.

And this was tobbacco, the learned suppose,
w hi ch both in countrye, court and towne,
in the devills glister pipe smokes att the nose
of punke & Madam, gallant & clowne;

ffrom w hi ch wicked p er fume, swines flesh, and linge,
or any thing else he doth not loue,
p re serue & send our gracious king
such meate as he loues, I beseeche god aboue!