Classic Poem

What vaine unnecessary things are men
How well we doe with out 'em, tell me then
Whence comes that meane submissivness wee finde
This ill bred age has wrought on womankinde
Fall'n from the rights their sex and beautyes gave
To make men wish despaire and humbly crave
Now 'twill suffice if they vouchsafe to have,
To the pell Mell, Playhous and the drawing roome
Their Woemen Fayres, these Woemen Coursers come
To chaffer, chuse and ride theire bargaines home,
Att the appearance of an unknown face
Up steps the Arrogant pretending ass
Pulling by th' elbow his companion Huff
Cryes Looke, de God that wench is well enough
Faire and well shap't, good lipps and teeth 'twill doe
Shee shall bee Tawdry for a month or two
Att my expence, bee rude and take upon her
Shew her contempt of quallity and honour
And with the generall fate of errant Woman
Bee very proude awhile, then very Common
E're beare this scorne, I'de bee shutt up at home
Content with humoring my selfe alone,
Force back the Humble Love of former dayes
In pensive madrigalls and ends of playes
When if my Lady frown'd th'unhappy Knight
was faine to fast and lye alone that night
But whils't th'insulting wife the Breeches wore
The Husband tooke her cloathes to give his —
Who now maintaines it with a gentler art
Thus Tyrranyes to Commonwealths Convert
Then after all you finde what ere wee say
Things must goe on in their Lewd naturall way
Besides the Beastly men wee dayly see
Can Please themselves alone as well as wee
Therfore kind Ladyes of the towne to you
for our stol'n ravish't men wee hereby sue
By this time you have found out wee suppose
That they're as Errant Tinsell as their Cloathes
Poore broaken Propertyes that cannot serve
To treate such persons soe as they deserve
Mistake us not wee doe not here pretend
That like the young sparkes you can condescend
To Love a beastly playhous Creature, Foh
Wee dare not thinke soe meanly of you, noe
'Tis not the Player pleases but the Part
Shee may like Rollo who despises Hart
To Theaters as Temples you are brought
Where Love is worshipt and his precepts taught
You must goe home and practice, for 'tis here
Just as in other preaching places, where
Greate Eloquence is show'n gainst sin, and Papists
By men who Live Idolaters and Atheists.
These two were dainty trades indeed could each
Live up to halfe the miracles they teach