Frozen Out
Come hither, little Britisher, and listen while I tell
About the great climatic change that long ago befell.
Take off your little Arctic shoes, hang up your reindeer hood,
And you shall have some blubber pie if you be nice and good.
'T was in the old and wicked days your Uncle Sam began
To dig his great canal beside the river San Juan;
And when they saw him work so hard and get along so slow,
The foreign nations laughed ha! ha! and eke they laughed ho! ho!
But when the work was done at last, and he began to build
His mighty forts on either side, with anger they were filled.
They met in hasty conference one morning at Berlin,
The very day that he had fixed to let the water in.
And as the water and the talk did simultaneous flow,
The Caribbean Sea ran dry and the Gulf of Mexico.
The great Gulf Stream which used to wash and warm all Europe free
Was siphoned through the new canal into the Southern Sea.
Next day a little Cablegram covered with ice and snow
Came staggering over to Sandy Hook, and this its tale of woe:
A wave of more than Arctic cold had suddenly ariz,
In spite of grammar or precedent, and the whole of Europe friz.
And every port was blocked with ice, and every town with snow;
You could travel on skates from Liverpool to the Bay of Biscay O.
The savans all were at loggerheads the reason to unfold;
For some maintained it was lack of heat, others excess of cold.
" Whatever the cause, " said the Cablegram, kicking its frozen heels,
" Europe for sympathy and help to its Uncle Sam appeals. "
" The reason is plain, " said Uncle Sam, and he winked his aged eye;
" You've neglected to pay your water rates, and I've cut off the supply. "
He laughed ha! ha! and he laughed ho! ho! did wily Uncle Sam,
As he sent in his little bill of costs by the little Cablegram.
The air of Europe was black that day with blasphemy and sin,
But the nations did as we all must do when the plumber's bill comes in.
$100,000,000,000 cash! and, oh! they roundly swore
When they found the Gulf Stream did n't flow as it useter did before.
It was a pious dodge, my child, to put down war and slaughter,
For it made the nations keep the peace to keep 'em out of hot water.
About the great climatic change that long ago befell.
Take off your little Arctic shoes, hang up your reindeer hood,
And you shall have some blubber pie if you be nice and good.
'T was in the old and wicked days your Uncle Sam began
To dig his great canal beside the river San Juan;
And when they saw him work so hard and get along so slow,
The foreign nations laughed ha! ha! and eke they laughed ho! ho!
But when the work was done at last, and he began to build
His mighty forts on either side, with anger they were filled.
They met in hasty conference one morning at Berlin,
The very day that he had fixed to let the water in.
And as the water and the talk did simultaneous flow,
The Caribbean Sea ran dry and the Gulf of Mexico.
The great Gulf Stream which used to wash and warm all Europe free
Was siphoned through the new canal into the Southern Sea.
Next day a little Cablegram covered with ice and snow
Came staggering over to Sandy Hook, and this its tale of woe:
A wave of more than Arctic cold had suddenly ariz,
In spite of grammar or precedent, and the whole of Europe friz.
And every port was blocked with ice, and every town with snow;
You could travel on skates from Liverpool to the Bay of Biscay O.
The savans all were at loggerheads the reason to unfold;
For some maintained it was lack of heat, others excess of cold.
" Whatever the cause, " said the Cablegram, kicking its frozen heels,
" Europe for sympathy and help to its Uncle Sam appeals. "
" The reason is plain, " said Uncle Sam, and he winked his aged eye;
" You've neglected to pay your water rates, and I've cut off the supply. "
He laughed ha! ha! and he laughed ho! ho! did wily Uncle Sam,
As he sent in his little bill of costs by the little Cablegram.
The air of Europe was black that day with blasphemy and sin,
But the nations did as we all must do when the plumber's bill comes in.
$100,000,000,000 cash! and, oh! they roundly swore
When they found the Gulf Stream did n't flow as it useter did before.
It was a pious dodge, my child, to put down war and slaughter,
For it made the nations keep the peace to keep 'em out of hot water.
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