Classic Poem

All gentle folks who owe a grudge
To any living thing,
Open your ears and stay your trudge
Whilst I in dudgeon sing.

The gad-fly he hath stung me sore —
O may he ne'er sting you!
But we have many a horrid bore
He may sting black and blue.

Has any here an old grey mare
With three legs all her store?
O put it to her buttocks bare
And straight she'll run on four.

Has any here a lawyer suit
Of 1743?
Take lawyer's nose and put it to 't
And you the end will see.

Is there a man in Parliament
Dumbfoundered in his speech?
O let his neighbour make a rent
And put one in his breech.

O Lowther, how much better thou
Hadst figured t'other day,
When to the folks thou mad'st a bow
And hadst no more to say,

If lucky gad-fly had but ta'en
His seat upon thine arse,
And put thee to a little pain
To save thee from a worse.

Better than Southey it had been,
Better than Mr D——,
Better than Wordsworth too, I ween,
Better than Mr V——.

Forgive me pray, good people all,
For deviating so.
In spirit sure I had a call —
And now I on will go.

Has any here a daughter fair
Too fond of reading novels,
Too apt to fall in love with care
And charming Mister Lovels?

O put a gad-fly to that thing
She keeps so white and pert —
I mean the finger for the ring,
And it will breed a Wert.

Has any here a pious spouse
Who seven times a day
Scolds as King David prayed, to chouse
And have her holy way?

O let a gad-fly's little sting
Persuade her sacred tongue
That noises are a common thing,
But that her bell has rung.

And as this is the summum bo-
num of all conquering,
I leave withouten wordès mo
The gad-fly's little sting.