Classic Poem

“Indeed, I regret that I cannot accept,”
(Oh, Lord, what a whopper was that!)
“Poor writing is weak; if I only could speak,”
(Yes, if I could speak—through my hat!)
“I feel that you'd know that it just grieves me so.”
(If I went I just know I should die.)
“For it's always a treat at your dear house to meet!”
(Oh, yes, it's a treat—in your eye!)

“Your at-home cards enclosed found me quite indisposed”
(To accept—but I don't write it so.)
“And I really don't dare yet to risk the night air.”
(And your airs would kill me, I know!)
“I would come and right quick if I weren't so sick”
(Of the trashy amusements you shower!)
“You dear soul, you don't know how much I'd like to go”
(Before I'd been there half an hour!)

“I'm sure that each guest will with pleasure be blessed.”
(I'm blessed if I envy their lot!)
“I'd give anything to hear dear Clara sing!”
(How thankful I am that I'll not!)
“I know I will hear from my friends just how dear
Was your function” (if any endure),
“And I know 'tis a fact 'twill be nice as your tact.”
(I pity it if 'tis as poor!)