Classic Poem

There once was a warden of Wadham
Who approved of the folkways of Sodom.
For a man might, he said,
Have a very poor head,
But be a fine fellow at bottom.

That famous old pederast, Wilde,
Felt sure a boy stayed undefiled
If you handled his penis
With no trace of meanness,
Whenever you sucked off the child.

A well-bred young girl of Gomorrah
Would never let any man bore her:
Neither back nor in front,
Not in mouth nor in cunt,
And she viewed their stiff pricks with horror.

When Arthur was homeless and broke,
He would suck off his friends for a coke.
The suckees would mutter:
" Please bring some drawn butter —
We're going to have Artie choke."

In a high-fashion journal for queers
A drawing by Dali appears.
It depicts a June bride
With three breasts on each side,
Caressing a penis with ears.

A Lesbian born under Pisces
Has dildoes of various sizes.
The big one with warts
Squirts several quarts,
And gives all her girlfriends surprises.

Our ambassador to Venus, Mz Abner,
Hoped the lesbian Veenies would be havin'er.
But to her surprise
They crossed all six thighs,
While the masculine Weenies were grabbin'er!

Though the music of love is Schuberty,
Love itself here is sordidly dirty.
The men are all queer
Till their ninety-ninth year,
While the menopause strikes at puberty.

A large, colored dyke from Atlanta
Said, " If ya' mus' know dear, I plan tuh
Finger-fuck Mother Hayes
On Tahmes Squah fo' three days.
It's a project that's sponsored by ANTA ."

Aging old queers are no treat:
Sucking cocks, raping kids, smelling feet.
They talk like a preacher,
Pervert every creature,
And worry about being indiscreet.

Young Frederick the Great was a beaut.
To a guard he cried, " Hey, man, you're cute.
If you'll come to my palace,
I'll finger your phallus,
And then I shall blow on your flute."

Two dykes went their separate routes:
Said one, " I just don't give two hoots.
No common tie linked us
Except cunnilinctus,
And a penchant for Brooks Brothers suits."

A big bull-dyke, surly and sallow,
Cried, " Pricks are just wicks without tallow!
Why, all men admit
They'd prefer a clit."
(That's something I find hard to swallow.)

The S & M bar, oh my dears,
Is a place to get stomped on, for queers.
To get beaten and spat on,
And pissed on and shat on —
The thrill of your gayest young years!

A well-buggered boy named Delpasse
Was cornholed by ten in his class.
Said he, with a yawn:
" Now the novelty's gone,
It's only a pain in the ass."

A smooth-bottomed fellow named Fritz
Contracted a case of the shits.
Now with asshole distended
His future is ended —
He can't find a penis that fits.

An anal erotic named Herman
Had a passion for buggering mermen.
He'd lure the poor swine
From their haunts 'neath the Rhine
With songs in execrable German.

A hermaphrodite fairy of Kew
Offered boys something new in a screw,
For they both looked so sweet
On the front and back seat
Of a bisexual built for two .

There once was a Renaissance man
Who modeled his conduct on Pan.
" I will" was tattooed
On the tip of his rood,
And " I will if I must" on his can.

A Fire Island pixie called " Mary,"
Whose erogenous zones were quite hairy,
Said, " That last guy, I'll swear,
Is still in there somewhere,
So I want to warn you to be wary."

The treatment by old Mr Mears
Of small chubby boys and their rears
Appears to his God
As unnatural and odd:
Can it be he is one of those queers?

There was a young fellow named Nutz
Who would rut as the pederast ruts.
His physician said, " Solon,
There's more in your colon
Than ever got in through your guts."

A young fairy with habits perverse
Found that beatings made life just a curse.
So each time he went hence
He assured his defense
With a dildo he kept in his purse.

Said a gabby old queer in Saint-L├┤:
" We sophisticates bugger and blow.
Women just bore me,
I need niggers to gore me —
I'm a bit of a bisexual , you know."

A young Harvard man, sweet and tender,
Went out with some queers on a bender.
He came back in two days
In a sexual haze,
No longer quite sure of his gender.