Its like falling but you never land,
Like diving under a wave only to be sucked under another as soon as you break surface.
Like watching yourself through another persons eyes and not being able to change anything.
I can't breath.
I can't move.
I can't do this
It's knowing exactly what you have to do but not being able to do it.
It's a detailed list that you left at home.
It's an invisible voice in your ear screaming everything that could go wrong.
What if somebody notices that I'm drowning.
What if I can't do it.
What if it never lets me go.
It's isolating yourself from friends because you can't explain why you always cancel.
It's dirty sheets that make it worse but you can't get up and change them.
It's the soul crushing loneliness of thinking your the only one.
Why can't I be normal.
Why is everything hard.
Why am I like this.
It's constant awkward glances at everyone around you to make sure they're not looking back.
It's helpless, desperate tears when nothing seems to work.
It's frustration when nobody listens, when nobody believes what they can't see.
When will there be less good days than bad.
When will It be too much.
When will I give up.
It's constantly feeling lonely but not wanting anyone around.
It's Erratic rambling speech that you know makes you sound crazy but you can't shut it off.
It's Desperately seeking approval from people who gave it to you years ago.
I can't do this.
What if it never lets me go.
Why am I like this.
When will I give up.
I will not.
Year:
2016
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