Member Poem

That dusty lamp in the corner that hasn't been turned on in years
The change you collect just to forget it's there
A nice meal you let sit and rot in the fridge
I am that dusty lamp
I am pocket change
I am left to sit and rot
Over looked, unacknowledged, not even worth a second thought,
am I worth.
CONSTANTLY
Doomingly craving any soul to bless me with friendship, love, kindness, intellect
Stuck with silence.....pure agony,
to feel as nothing but a pest to all
And a irritant to the iris so it seems
silence..... ah
Like pulling your warm wet lips off a freezing popsicle to see ripped flesh conformed to the sugar
uncomfortable, displeasing, & quite unsettling,
so between my inner screams for acknowledgment and in wonder of Why?
What did I do wrong?
Is it me?
When is it my turn to shine?
Why talk as if I'm not here?
You don't remember? I was there,...no really I was.
"Can I come too?"
"Oh, you weren't talking to me..."
"You were there?", "ha I didn't realize"
"Gotta cancel our plans, let's try next time"
Nothing more than, "waste of space, energy, and time"
Thought by many
Loved by none
Who knew it would get so lonely?
No calls, texts, letters, photos
Left on read
No reply
For months
Upon months
I could be dead, literally noone cares????????
Mom?????
"I love you mom"
No reply
No answer
Fuckin nothin from nobody

Brought in the world by 2
But 2 was ew and 1 was fun
So I picked up a gun
It had begun, just being 1

alone, only with my imagination to appease this deep feeling of self loathing to fix my empty heart
Knotted, it won't start from lack of compassion, acknowledgment, and empathy
In this invisibly I have been forsaken
There is no such sorrow as this
But it's quite despicable
So now I have not a single care
And therefore will be a ghost
Wandering amlously,
silently, detected by none
And when you finally realize
What a shining, warm, glorious gem you found, hidden,
tucked away waiting for ANYONE
to find and marvel
You will not find me
You will not reach me
You will not see me
It'd been too late
I'd  given so many chances to be seen

I tried to catch a gaze, 1 last try
To see who might/not walk by
shining so bright
Fighting so hard
Trying my damnest
But nope
Just looking for acceptance and peace, that's all
I will have lost my luster,
I waited my whole life to shine
To rise
To be radiant
To share moments of sheer, pure happiness
and I burnt out with only few select moments of vibrancy
For nothing and noone to
Appreciate knowing me and how I glow ever so bright, lighting up everything around me
For vacant eyes to see
And deaf ears to hear
noone sees or listens
But I'll tell you again

Spent all this time waiting to shine
Waiting
Cherishing the thought of another knowing me inside and out.............      but that's too much to ask
I just want eye contact, a genuine laugh,
A smile, conversation, even just a lounge on a couch in silence purposely shifting to attract any sort of contact
buzzing in anticipation
Looking for a sparkle....
Twinkle... anything...
No interest to even fake a smile
Just blank eyes with 1 interest

Overwhelmed
And a shiver down my back
Nothing but disappointment
Lack of luster
And not a morsel of true kindness ever graced upon me
No matter,
I will just simply go mad
No need to care any further
Because I have a friend
And you are me as I am you
Chit chatting
Giggling
Shooting notes across the room
Noone can separate the 2
Just to say someone cares
And know, to watch out
I have a crazy best friend
That you will never see
Because of invisibly