Member Poem

Today, she turns 7
The child of my heart, my baby girl
Not so much a baby, anymore
 
But today I can’t celebrate
I don’t get to feel joy
Instead, I live with the pain
 
Of a failed adoption
My baby girl, my daughter’s niece
Was kept by another
 
No rules were broken
So the ombudsmen said
“Unethical but not illegal”, brings little comfort
 
Nobody told me that this could happen
That my daughter could be ripped away from me
That I’d be left with a hole that only she ever filled
 
That I’d be left trying to help my older daughter understand
That being truthful is still the only way to live
Despite the “system” conspiring to take away her hopes and dreams
 
Her niece, her sister… another family member she no longer lives with
Another lie, another win for others
Why should she try, she cries?
 
Being truthful and honest almost killed you Mum
I’m not going to live that way
For it only brings you pain
 
Lying and stealing is the way
Planning and manipulation win the day
Look who has my sister, my niece today!
 
So today I grieve
I grieve for the baby I lost
I grieve for the older daughter who lost her niece/her baby sister…
 
Yet both are grief’s that can’t be spoken
For my baby girl turns 7 today
She’ll have a birthday party and celebrate with her extended family
 
That doesn’t include me, her Mum, the one who first took her swimming,
For her first hair cut, to see her birth mother's grave
The one who took her so many places, we had so much fun
 
Saw her first steps
So many memories
The three of us, our little family… so many plans…
 
Her aunt, my older daughter was also lost that day
The day we learned that I would no longer be my baby’s Mum
That another family had won a fight that I didn’t even know needed to be fought
 
All progress stopped, all gains lost
Why work for truthfulness?
When lying gets you what you want?
 
No time to grieve, all I can do is try to help my daughter through
To see that honesty is still best
That stealing will not fill the hurt she feels
 
Five years on, She learned well, this daughter of mine
Not the lessons I’d hoped, not the lessons I lead by example
All she saw is my pain, my failure to win the ‘game’ that I didn’t even know we played
 
Why play that game?
When she can win at theirs….
She doesn’t yet see how much she’s lost
 
So today I grieve…
My baby girl turns 7 today
She’s lost to me, but yet she lives
 
My older daughter chose to leave that day too
In mind, in spirit, in values…
She no longer tries
 
So today I grieve, for what could have been
Another loss that can’t be spoken
Another child lost to me, but yet she lives
 
Grief’s that can’t be spoken are the loneliest to experience
There is no grave to stand at and weep, No place to visit and mourn
Just the loss of what once was

The grief’s that can’t be spoken,
Are just pain that must be born