Viviscal hair growth disappointed customer

Unlike most other animals
Homo sapiens resorts to an array
regularly donning her/
himself with garish attire
plus a dollop

of heavily scented cologne

upon handing a bouquet
to their equally groomed

and primped counterpart,

who underwent makeover

for special occasion
no matter their outing 
at McDonalds cafe
nevertheless delicious 
cheaply tricked out date
eager to meet supertramp
appears as dainty appetizer,
draped like a dozen roses
yet inaccessible courtesy
surrounded by a wild plant
encapsulated by many sharp points
each a significant poisonous briar
similarly when mating
a mayhem of male
peacocks or peafowl display
a fantastical fantail if put to song
would be an uplifting choir
and analogous to mating call of the wild
this naked ape (of course fully clothed)
envisioning ushering memorable occasion
and letting myself vocalize hooray.

With all due respect
to the purported
positive personal testimony,
I a married, Caucasian, dystopian,
latitudinarian, nonestablishmentarian,
omnivarian, proletarian Pennsylvanian,
sexagenarian, solitudinarian, and Unitarian air
my grievance after
as a buyer beware
sought after image
of absolute zero sought after result
guaranteed distress and wrought despair
“videbere” “to see” + “licet”
natural growth of abundant hair
into a lush profusion even after
last red cent spent,
and uttering a wing and prayer
the measly keratinous filaments
growing from a follicle quite disappointing
cuz I expected to glance
at reflection in the mirror
and behold tresses ample
as Bon Jovi sported
during his days as a badass
rock n roll ever
able, eager, ready, and willing
player for prime time,
whose sleekly buffed muscular built
a most definite drawer
even regarding product endorsements
to pose in his underwear
as opposed to me
a veritable aging pencil neck geek,
who on January thirteenth
will celebrate his sixty eighth year
despite defying conventionality,
and essentially belying the aging process
experience body dysmorphia
aside from leaving
straggly strands self evident
this Samson wannabe can attest
he can no longer be a viable contestant
cause yours truly no longer blessed
with luscious wavy tresses and dressed
as if he stepped out
of a nineteen eighties band
and spent hours
in front of a looking glance
to guarantee each strand
appeared properly finessed
(versus favoring the heady
March wind blown look nowadays)
without being combed nor brushed
and less often washed
and feels hard-pressed
to live (yes suicidal ideation rooted)
within my once upon a time
profuse locks of love,
which approximately twelve inches
got lopped off donated
on two separate
occasions decades apart
and said serious
mental health issue
yours truly - me doth not jest
and during salad days of mine lest
thee prescription medication
assuages one modest
humble baby boomer obsessed
with vital ropy hair
and when this poet
of Perkiomen Valley
doth take his eternal rest
he will pass thee
electric kool aid acid test
and would be
able, eager, ready
and willing to present himself
at a Philadelphia volksvest
or anyplace else 
within this webbed wide world.