Classic Poem

who, going abroad, had desired Ardelia to write some verses upon whatever subject she thought fit, against his return in the evening

No sooner, Flavio, was you gone,
But, your injunction thought upon,
Ardelia took the pen;
Designing to perform the task
Her Flavio did so kindly ask,
Ere he returned agen.

Into Parnassus straight she sent,
And bid the messenger that went
Unto the Muses' court
Assure them she their aid did need,
And begged they'd use their utmost speed,
Because the time was short.

The hasty summons was allowed;
And, being well bred, they rose and bowed,
And said they'd post away;
That well they did Ardelia know,
And that no female's voice below
They sooner would obey:

That many of the rhyming train,
On like occasions, sought in vain
Their industry to excite;
But for Ardelia all they'd leave;
(Thus flattering can the Muse deceive
And wheedle us to write)

But, since there was such haste required,
To know the subject 'twas desired
On which they must infuse;
That they might temper words and rules,
And with their counsel carry tools,
As country doctors use.

Wherefore, to cut off all delays,
'Twas soon replied, A husband's praise,
Though in these looser times,
Ardelia gladly would rehearse —
A husband's, who indulged her verse,
And now required her rhymes.

A husband! echoed all around;
And to Parnassus sure that sound
Had never yet been sent;
Amazement in each face was read.
In haste the affrighted sisters fled,
And unto council went.

Erato cried, Since Grizel's days,
Since Troy Town pleased, and Chevy Chase,
No such design was known;
And 'twas their business to take care
It reached not to the public ear,
Or got about the town:

Nor came where evening beaux were met
O'er billet doux and chocolate,
Lest it destroyed the house;
For in that place who could dispense
(That wore his clothes with common sense)
With mention of a spouse?

'Twas put unto the vote at last,
And in the negative it past,
None to her aid should move;
Yet since Ardelia was a friend,
Excuses 'twas agreed to send,
Which plausible might prove:

That Pegasus of late had been
So often rid through thick and thin
With neither fear nor wit;
In panegyric been so spurred,
He could not from the stall be stirred,
Nor would endure the bit.

Melpomene had given a bond
By the new house alone to stand
And write of war and strife;
Thalia, she had taken fees
And stipends from the patentees
And durst not for her life.

Urania only liked the choice;
Yet not to thwart the public voice,
She whispering did impart:
They need no foreign aid invoke,
No help to draw a moving stroke,
Who dictate from the heart.

Enough! the pleased Ardelia cried;
And slighting every Muse beside,
Consulting now her breast,
Perceived that every tender thought,
Which from abroad she'd vainly sought,
Did there in silence rest;

And should unmoved that post maintain,
Till in his quick return again,
Met in some neighbouring grove
Where vice nor vanity appear,
Her Flavio them alone might hear
In all the sounds of love.

For, since the world does so despise
Hymen's endearments and its ties,
They should mysterious be;
Till we that pleasure too possess,
Which makes their fancied happiness,
Of stolen secrecy.