Classic Poem

Necessary to the Happiness of the Married State

The lady thus address'd her spouse —
What a mere dungeon is this house!
By no means large enough; and, was it,
Yet this dull room, and that dark closet —
Those hangings, with their worn-out graces,
Long beards, long noses, and pale faces —
Are such an antiquated scene,
They overwhelm me with the spleen!
Sir Humphry, shooting in the dark,
Makes answer quite beside the mark:
No doubt, my dear — I bade him come,
Engag'd myself to be at home,
And shall expect him at the door
Precisely when the clock strikes four.
You are so deaf, the lady cried,
(And rais'd her voice and frown'd beside,)
You are so sadly deaf, my dear,
What shall I do to make you hear?
Dismiss poor Harry! he replies;
Some people are more nice than wise —
For one slight trespass all this stir?
What if he did ride whip and spur,
'Twas but a mile — your fav'rite horse
Will never look one hair the worse.
Well, I protest 'tis past all bearing. —
Child! I am rather hard of hearing. —
Yes, truly — one must scream and bawl —
I tell you, you can'Thear at all!
Then, with a voice exceeding low,
No matter if you hear or no.
Alas! and is domestic strife,
That sorest ill of human life,
A plague so little to be fear'd,
As to be wantonly incurr'd,
To gratify a fretful passion,
On ev'ry trivial provocation?
The kindest and the happiest pair
Will find occasion to forbear;
And something, ev'ry day they live,
To pity, and, perhaps, forgive.
But if infirmities that fall
In common to the lot of all —
A blemish or a sense impair'd —
Are crimes so little to be spar'd, —
Then farewell all that must create
The comfort of the wedded state;
Instead of harmony, 'tis jar
And tumult, and intestine war.
The love that cheers life's latest stage,
Proof against sickness and old age,
Preserv'd by virtue from declension,
Becomes not weary of attention;
But lives, when that exterior grace
Which first inspir'd the flame decays.
'Tis gentle, delicate, and kind,
To faults compassionate or blind,
And will with sympathy endure
Those evils it would gladly cure:
But angry, coarse, and harsh expression
Shows love to be a mere profession;
Proves that the heart is none of his,
Or soon expels him if it is.