Ode To Damon
(From Chloi, who Understands His Meaning.)
" Oh, do not forget the day when we met
At the fruiterer's shop in the city:
When you said I was plain and excessively vain,
But I knew that you meant I was pretty.
" Recollect, too, the hour when I purchased the flour
(For the dumplings, you know) and the suet;
Whilst the apples I told my dear Damon to hold,
(Just to see if you knew how to do it).
" Then recall to your mind how you left me behind,
And went off in a 'bus with the pippins;
When you said you'd forgot, but I knew you had not ;
(It was merely to save the odd threepence!).
" Don't forget your delight in the dumplings that night,
Though you said they were tasteless and doughy:
But you winked as you spoke, and I saw that the joke
( If it was one ) was meant for your Chloi!
" Then remember the day when Joe offered to pay
For us all at the Great Exhibition;
You proposed a short cut, and we found the thing shut,
(We were two hours too late for admission).
" Your " short cut"; dear, we found took us seven miles round
(And Joe said exactly what we did):
Well, I helped you out then — it was just like you men —
Not an atom of sense when it's needed!
" You said " What's to be done?" and I thought you in fun,
(Never dreaming you were such a ninny).
" Home directly!" said I, and you paid for the fly,
(And I think that you gave him a guinea).
" Well, that notion, you said, had not entered your head:
You proposed " The best thing, as we're come, is
(Since it opens again in the morning at ten)
To wait" — Oh, you prince of all dummies!
" And when Joe asked you " Why, if a man were to die,
Just as you ran a sword through his middle,
You'd be hung for the crime?" and you said " Give me time!"
And brought to your Chloi the riddle —
" Why, remember, you dunce, how I solved it at once —
(The question which Joe had referred to you),
Why, I told you the cause, was " the force of the laws,"
And you said " It had never occurred to you ."
" This instance will show that your brain is too slow,
And (though your exterior is showy),
Yet so arrant a goose can be no sort of use
To society — come to your Chloi!
" You'll find no one like me, who can manage to see
Your meaning, you talk so obscurely:
Why, if once I were gone, how would you get on?
Come, you know what I mean, Damon, surely. "
" Oh, do not forget the day when we met
At the fruiterer's shop in the city:
When you said I was plain and excessively vain,
But I knew that you meant I was pretty.
" Recollect, too, the hour when I purchased the flour
(For the dumplings, you know) and the suet;
Whilst the apples I told my dear Damon to hold,
(Just to see if you knew how to do it).
" Then recall to your mind how you left me behind,
And went off in a 'bus with the pippins;
When you said you'd forgot, but I knew you had not ;
(It was merely to save the odd threepence!).
" Don't forget your delight in the dumplings that night,
Though you said they were tasteless and doughy:
But you winked as you spoke, and I saw that the joke
( If it was one ) was meant for your Chloi!
" Then remember the day when Joe offered to pay
For us all at the Great Exhibition;
You proposed a short cut, and we found the thing shut,
(We were two hours too late for admission).
" Your " short cut"; dear, we found took us seven miles round
(And Joe said exactly what we did):
Well, I helped you out then — it was just like you men —
Not an atom of sense when it's needed!
" You said " What's to be done?" and I thought you in fun,
(Never dreaming you were such a ninny).
" Home directly!" said I, and you paid for the fly,
(And I think that you gave him a guinea).
" Well, that notion, you said, had not entered your head:
You proposed " The best thing, as we're come, is
(Since it opens again in the morning at ten)
To wait" — Oh, you prince of all dummies!
" And when Joe asked you " Why, if a man were to die,
Just as you ran a sword through his middle,
You'd be hung for the crime?" and you said " Give me time!"
And brought to your Chloi the riddle —
" Why, remember, you dunce, how I solved it at once —
(The question which Joe had referred to you),
Why, I told you the cause, was " the force of the laws,"
And you said " It had never occurred to you ."
" This instance will show that your brain is too slow,
And (though your exterior is showy),
Yet so arrant a goose can be no sort of use
To society — come to your Chloi!
" You'll find no one like me, who can manage to see
Your meaning, you talk so obscurely:
Why, if once I were gone, how would you get on?
Come, you know what I mean, Damon, surely. "
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