Classic Poem

S HE'S the " chupidest " gurl we ever knew,
Is our gurl Mary;
She always does what she oughtn't to,
Does our gurl Mary;
She's lazier far than Lethe's stream —
She meanders 'round in one long dream —
'Twould take a Titan's death-bed scream
To wake up Mary!

In the morning at our coffee time —
" Mary, OH, Mary! "
Our hearts sink deep in damning crime —
" Mary! Oh, M-A-R-Y! "
What is the matter, Mary ... Dear!
Been looking for you far and near!
'Most eight o'clock — no coffee here!
John Rogers , Mary!

Just look at the lid of that coffee pot
Now will you, Mary?
Why on earth can't you get it hot!
Why can't you, Mary!
This stuff's cold as a puppy's nose,
Or a lonely, shivering, early rose
That blooms in the snow as the March wind blows!
Understand, Mary?

Now then, Mary! It is twelve o'clock!
The breakfast, Mary!
Where did you get that smudgy frock —
Good Gracious, Mary!
Oh, NO!! The steak comes after fish!
And, Say! We've one more darling wish: —
Don't serve the cheese in the butter-dish!
Now don't! Don't , Mary!

Tea-time, Mary! You've been told before,
Haven't you, Mary?
The hour is Four — not half- past Four!
Fiddlesticks! Mary!
" No biscuit? " Of course! Same old way!
Do you think we're here to hear you say: —
" De biskit finish yisterday? "
Great Heavens! MARY!

No salt! No spoons! Ice if you please!
Mustard, Mary!
You've spilled the gravy on my knees!
N-E-V-E-R M-I-N-D, Mary!
Oh, let's shut down the blooming mess!
We'll starve, perhaps, but nevertheless
Be quit of the fathomless cussedness
Of our gurl Mary!