Classic Poem

Before the dawn of history, in fact before the flood,
The merry megasaurus chewed his prehistoric cud;
And near him sported on the green
A pterodactyl (pliocene),
While playfully the brontosaurus frolicked in the mud.

Ah, life was gay and carefree in those happy golden days,
For that was in the Mesozoic Age (to coin a phrase),
But soon there came, to spoil it all,
The gruff, morose Neanderthal,
A shaggy, low-browed Early Man, with coarse and vulgar ways.

Two million years slip by. Ah me! It seems like yesterday.
The prehistoric beasts are gone, but Man has come to stay.
He builds rude huts along the lakes,
And fashions spears of flint, and makes
Impressionistic paintings and crude pottery of clay.

The jolly old Egyptians dwelt in splendor by the Nile.
They prayed before the sacred bull and sacred crocodile.
They treated rough the Hebrew kids;
They built the sphinx and pyramids;
Their kings were named for cigarettes — a quaint and novel style.

The Ancient Greeks went in quite strong for culture and for art.
In fact, 'twas back in Athens that the drama got its start.
They licked the Persian hosts upon
The bloody field of Marathon.
Their offspring now sell peanuts and bananas from a cart.

The Romans cleaned up half the earth. J. Caesar was their boss.
He shot craps at the Rubicon before he swam across.
They offered him a royal crown,
But thrice he had to turn it down,
And then his friend G. Brutus came and threw him for a loss.

The ironclad crusaders were a fine and warlike band.
For many years they battled to redeem the Holy Land.
They fought the heathen Saracen,
And then they all went home again.
(When dressed up for a party, they resembled something canned.)

Columbus claimed this earth of ours was shaped just like a sphere.
His neighbors sneered and laughed at him and said: " The guy is queer. "
But Isabella hocked her jewels
And said: " Go on, kid! Show them fools. "
And so he sailed across the sea, and that's why we are here.

Napoleon, though little, had a large and lofty bean.
When but an unknown corporal, he married Josephine.
But when to fame he rose at length,
He said: " I'll have to play through strength.
I've only honors in my hand, so I'll discard my queen. "

The Kaiser thought he'd bring the French and British to their knees.
He said: " I'm strong for Earth Control and Freedom of the Seize. "
Alas, his well-made plans went wrong.
The Yankees came, three million strong,
And now poor Kaiser William's up in Holland chopping trees.

And so down through the centuries this gripping story tells
The tale of man's development from protoplasmic cells.
And though the author, here and there,
Has made mistakes, as some declare,
Yet truth lies at the bottom, you will find, of H. G. Wells.