Classic Poem

The toad beneath the harrow knows
Exactly where each tooth-point goes;
The butterfly upon the road
Preaches contentment to that toad.

P AGETT , M.P., was a liar, and a fluent liar therewith, —
He spoke of the heat of India as " The Asian Solar Myth " ;
'Came on a four months' visit, to " study the East " in November,
And I got him to make an agreement vowing to stay till September.

March came in with the koil . Pagett was cool and gay,
Called me a " bloated Brahmin, " talked of my " princely pay. "
March went out with the roses. " Where is your heat? " said he.
" Coming, " said I to Pagett. " Skittles! " said Pagett, M.P.

April began with the punkah, coolies, and prickly-heat, —
Pagett was dear to mosquitoes, sandflies found him a treat.
He grew speckled and lumpy — hammered, I grieve to say,
Aryan brothers who fanned him, in an illiberal way.

May set in with a dust-storm, — Pagett went down with the sun.
All the delights of the season tickled him one by one.
Imprimis — ten days' " liver " — due to his drinking beer;
Later, a dose of fever — slight, but he called it severe.

Dysent'ry touched him in June, after the Chota Bursat —
Lowered his portly person — made him yearn to depart.
He didn't call me a " Brahmin, " or " bloated, " or " over-paid, "
But seemed to think it a wonder that any one ever stayed.

July was a trifle unhealthy, — Pagett was ill with fear,
Called it the " Cholera Morbus, " hinted that life was dear.
He babbled of " Eastern exile, " and mentioned his home with tears;
But I hadn't seen my children for close upon seven years.

We reached a hundred and twenty once in the Court at noon,
[I've mentioned Pagett was portly] Pagett went off in a swoon.
That was an end to the business. Pagett, the perjured, fled
With a practical, working knowledge of " Solar Myths " in his head.

And I laughed as I drove from the station, but the mirth died out on my lips
As I thought of the fools like Pagett who write of their " Eastern trips, "
And the sneers of the travelled idiots who duly misgovern the land,
And I prayed to the Lord to deliver another one into my hand.