Panche
It was a younge man tha t dwelt in a towne,
a Iollye husband was hee,
but he wold eate more at one sett dinner
the[n] 20 wold att three.
soe great a stomacke had hee,
his wiffe did him p ro vide
ten meales a day, his hungar to lay,
yet was he not satisfyed
take heed of hott furmitree!
His wiffe had a sister neere at hand,
decket vp in a gowne of gray;
shee loued a young man, & marryed the weere
vpon St. Iames his day;
& to the wedding went they,
her brothers & sisters each one.
shee vowed to bring her to capon pyes,
w i th birds the sids vpon.
take heed &c.
But yet the good wiffe, tho litle shee sayd,
in mind & hart was woe
because her husband, the glutton, wold
vnto the wedding goe.
" good husband, " then sayd shee,
" at the wedding there will bee
my vnckle Iohn, & my cozen Gylee,
& others of good degree;
then stay you at home, my dere,
[then stay you at home, my dere,]
" ffor if yo[u] come there, you vtterlye shame
yor selfe & me besides,
& all yo u r kinred euery one,
the Bridgrome & the bryde,
you feed soe Monst[r]ouslye
aboue all other men,
for you deuoure more meate at a meale
then 40 will doe at ten "
take heede &c.
When tha t he heard his wiffe say soe,
his anger waxed hotte:
Q uo th he, " thou drabb! thou filthy Queane!
thy councell likes me not!
belike some match is made
betwixt some knaue & thee
to make me a scorne, my head for to horne!
I smell out thy knauerye!
to the wedding tha t I will goe! "
" Good husband, " q uo th shee, " Misdoubt not of me!
I speake it for the best!
yet doe as you will, yo u r mind to fulfill;
but let me this request,
tha t when vnorderlye
I see you feeding there,
when I doe winke, I wold haue you thinke
its time for to forbeare. "
take heed &c.
The man was content; to the wedding he went;
great cheare was there p re pared;
the Bridsgroome father & mother both
sate there w i th good regard
furst to the table was brough[t]
a course of furmitree,
& Panche had a dish, a galland I-wiss,
tha t fitted his appetye;
& quicklye he slapt vp all.
Hee learned on his wiffe, & drew out his kniffe;
to a legg of Mutton fell hee;
he slapt it vp breefe, w i th a surloyne of beefe,
& mincte pyes 2 or three:
he neu er looked about,
but fed w i th such a courage,
he left for his share the bord almost bare,
or the rest were out of their porrage
take heede &c.
Then did he spye his wiffe for to winke;
therfore he, to mend the matter,
he cast vp againe the Meate he had eaten,
before them in a platter:
" take heere yo u r victualls, " hee sayd,
" & grudg not me my meate;
& where I thinke tha t welcome I am,
I cannott forbeare to eate. "
take heede &c.
The time drew on when eu er ye man
vnto his rest did goe;
but Paunch lay grunting by his wiffe,
w hi ch made her wonderous woe
" what ayle you man? " q uo th shee
Q uo th hee, " my hart is dry,
I am soe hungry, tha t for meat
I readye am to dye. "
take heede &c.
" Alas! " q uo th shee, " content you must bee
till breakfast time to stay;
for none in the house is risen, you see,
to giue you meate any way "
" tush! tell not me of tha t!
my belly must be fedd! "
& w i th tha t word he Nimbly leapt
out of his naked bed,
& into the kitchin did goe.
To the ffurmitree pott he quicklye gott,
& there, w i thout delay,
he slapt vp the furmitree eu er ye whitt
or he dep ar ted away,
saue a ladel-full att the last
he kept to carry his wiffe
Then he mistaking the chamber, he went
vnto another, mans wiffe.
take heede [&c.]
The Bridgroomes ffather & mother both
did at tha t time lye there;
the woman had tumbled the clothes soe
tha t her buttockes all lay bare,
w hi ch by a glimering light
tha t was in tha t same place,
Panch soone espyed, & tooke the same
to be his wiues sweet face.
Then softly he sayd, " sweet wiff, I haue brought
some furmitree for thee! "
the woman ffisled: " nay, blow not, " q uo th hee,
" for cold enough they bee. "
w i th tha t shee puffed againe,
& made him angrye bee:
" I tell thee, thou need not to blow them att all,
but supp them vp p re sentlye "
take heed &c
The woman was windye, & fisled againe
w i thin a litle space,
w hi ch made him to sweare, if shee blew any more,
to fling all in her face
but shee, being fast asleepe,
did ffisle w it hout regard
then flung he the furmitree in her tayle,
saying, " there is for thy reward! "
take heede
W i th tha t the woman suddenly waked,
& clapt her hand behind;
" alas! " q uo th shee, " how am I shamed,
being soe full of wind! "
" what ayles thee? " her husband sayd
" I haue rayed the bedd, " q uo th shee.
" tha t comes w i th thy craming, thou egar queane!
a Murraine take thee for me! "
take heede &c
But Panche, p er ceuing how the matter went,
he closly got away,
& into the milkehouse hyed w i th hast,
wheras w i thout delay
he clensed the Milke Basons all,
tho there were plenty store;
& like a lout, he groped about,
to see if hee cold find any more
tak heede &c.
Vpon a narrowe mouthd hony pott
he lighted on at last;
& when he had thrust his hand therin,
there stucke it wonderous fast.
now hee must breake the same
or he cold gett it out;
& for a ffitt place to breake it on,
he seeketh round about.
take heede &c.
Tow silly fryers, on the kitchin flore
all night asleepe dyd lye;
whose shauen crownes, by the Moonelight then,
S i r Panch he did there espye.
to one of them he comes,
supposing his pate a stone;
& there burst the earthen pott,
w hi ch made the fryer to grone
tak heed &c.
The silly ffryer, being hurt full sore,
did thinke his fellow had
vpon some spite abused him soe;
therfore, as he were madd,
he laid him soundlye on,
& caught him by the eares;
whose rumbled waked the folkes in the house,
& fedd them full of feares
take heed of hott furmitree!
When they came downe, the found the fryers
well buffeting one another;
the one did tell how he was serued
by his religious brother
but when S i r Panch they spyed,
w i th honnye besmeared soe,
& daubed about w i th Milke & creame,
the knew how all things did goe
take heede
for well they did see tha t it was he
tha t did the old man wronge,
& hee tha t brake the poore fryers head
as he did lye alonge,
tha t eate the Milke & creame
& the pott of ffurmitree;
yett, for to be reuenged of him,
they knew noe remedye.
take heede
God keepe, I say, such guests away
both from my meate & mee!
if I had 20 weddings to make,
neu er bidden shold he bee!
& thus I make an end
of this my merry Iest,
wishing to eu er ye honest man
all happinesse & rest.
take heede of hot furmitree!
take heed of hot furmitree!
a Iollye husband was hee,
but he wold eate more at one sett dinner
the[n] 20 wold att three.
soe great a stomacke had hee,
his wiffe did him p ro vide
ten meales a day, his hungar to lay,
yet was he not satisfyed
take heed of hott furmitree!
His wiffe had a sister neere at hand,
decket vp in a gowne of gray;
shee loued a young man, & marryed the weere
vpon St. Iames his day;
& to the wedding went they,
her brothers & sisters each one.
shee vowed to bring her to capon pyes,
w i th birds the sids vpon.
take heed &c.
But yet the good wiffe, tho litle shee sayd,
in mind & hart was woe
because her husband, the glutton, wold
vnto the wedding goe.
" good husband, " then sayd shee,
" at the wedding there will bee
my vnckle Iohn, & my cozen Gylee,
& others of good degree;
then stay you at home, my dere,
[then stay you at home, my dere,]
" ffor if yo[u] come there, you vtterlye shame
yor selfe & me besides,
& all yo u r kinred euery one,
the Bridgrome & the bryde,
you feed soe Monst[r]ouslye
aboue all other men,
for you deuoure more meate at a meale
then 40 will doe at ten "
take heede &c.
When tha t he heard his wiffe say soe,
his anger waxed hotte:
Q uo th he, " thou drabb! thou filthy Queane!
thy councell likes me not!
belike some match is made
betwixt some knaue & thee
to make me a scorne, my head for to horne!
I smell out thy knauerye!
to the wedding tha t I will goe! "
" Good husband, " q uo th shee, " Misdoubt not of me!
I speake it for the best!
yet doe as you will, yo u r mind to fulfill;
but let me this request,
tha t when vnorderlye
I see you feeding there,
when I doe winke, I wold haue you thinke
its time for to forbeare. "
take heed &c.
The man was content; to the wedding he went;
great cheare was there p re pared;
the Bridsgroome father & mother both
sate there w i th good regard
furst to the table was brough[t]
a course of furmitree,
& Panche had a dish, a galland I-wiss,
tha t fitted his appetye;
& quicklye he slapt vp all.
Hee learned on his wiffe, & drew out his kniffe;
to a legg of Mutton fell hee;
he slapt it vp breefe, w i th a surloyne of beefe,
& mincte pyes 2 or three:
he neu er looked about,
but fed w i th such a courage,
he left for his share the bord almost bare,
or the rest were out of their porrage
take heede &c.
Then did he spye his wiffe for to winke;
therfore he, to mend the matter,
he cast vp againe the Meate he had eaten,
before them in a platter:
" take heere yo u r victualls, " hee sayd,
" & grudg not me my meate;
& where I thinke tha t welcome I am,
I cannott forbeare to eate. "
take heede &c.
The time drew on when eu er ye man
vnto his rest did goe;
but Paunch lay grunting by his wiffe,
w hi ch made her wonderous woe
" what ayle you man? " q uo th shee
Q uo th hee, " my hart is dry,
I am soe hungry, tha t for meat
I readye am to dye. "
take heede &c.
" Alas! " q uo th shee, " content you must bee
till breakfast time to stay;
for none in the house is risen, you see,
to giue you meate any way "
" tush! tell not me of tha t!
my belly must be fedd! "
& w i th tha t word he Nimbly leapt
out of his naked bed,
& into the kitchin did goe.
To the ffurmitree pott he quicklye gott,
& there, w i thout delay,
he slapt vp the furmitree eu er ye whitt
or he dep ar ted away,
saue a ladel-full att the last
he kept to carry his wiffe
Then he mistaking the chamber, he went
vnto another, mans wiffe.
take heede [&c.]
The Bridgroomes ffather & mother both
did at tha t time lye there;
the woman had tumbled the clothes soe
tha t her buttockes all lay bare,
w hi ch by a glimering light
tha t was in tha t same place,
Panch soone espyed, & tooke the same
to be his wiues sweet face.
Then softly he sayd, " sweet wiff, I haue brought
some furmitree for thee! "
the woman ffisled: " nay, blow not, " q uo th hee,
" for cold enough they bee. "
w i th tha t shee puffed againe,
& made him angrye bee:
" I tell thee, thou need not to blow them att all,
but supp them vp p re sentlye "
take heed &c
The woman was windye, & fisled againe
w i thin a litle space,
w hi ch made him to sweare, if shee blew any more,
to fling all in her face
but shee, being fast asleepe,
did ffisle w it hout regard
then flung he the furmitree in her tayle,
saying, " there is for thy reward! "
take heede
W i th tha t the woman suddenly waked,
& clapt her hand behind;
" alas! " q uo th shee, " how am I shamed,
being soe full of wind! "
" what ayles thee? " her husband sayd
" I haue rayed the bedd, " q uo th shee.
" tha t comes w i th thy craming, thou egar queane!
a Murraine take thee for me! "
take heede &c
But Panche, p er ceuing how the matter went,
he closly got away,
& into the milkehouse hyed w i th hast,
wheras w i thout delay
he clensed the Milke Basons all,
tho there were plenty store;
& like a lout, he groped about,
to see if hee cold find any more
tak heede &c.
Vpon a narrowe mouthd hony pott
he lighted on at last;
& when he had thrust his hand therin,
there stucke it wonderous fast.
now hee must breake the same
or he cold gett it out;
& for a ffitt place to breake it on,
he seeketh round about.
take heede &c.
Tow silly fryers, on the kitchin flore
all night asleepe dyd lye;
whose shauen crownes, by the Moonelight then,
S i r Panch he did there espye.
to one of them he comes,
supposing his pate a stone;
& there burst the earthen pott,
w hi ch made the fryer to grone
tak heed &c.
The silly ffryer, being hurt full sore,
did thinke his fellow had
vpon some spite abused him soe;
therfore, as he were madd,
he laid him soundlye on,
& caught him by the eares;
whose rumbled waked the folkes in the house,
& fedd them full of feares
take heed of hott furmitree!
When they came downe, the found the fryers
well buffeting one another;
the one did tell how he was serued
by his religious brother
but when S i r Panch they spyed,
w i th honnye besmeared soe,
& daubed about w i th Milke & creame,
the knew how all things did goe
take heede
for well they did see tha t it was he
tha t did the old man wronge,
& hee tha t brake the poore fryers head
as he did lye alonge,
tha t eate the Milke & creame
& the pott of ffurmitree;
yett, for to be reuenged of him,
they knew noe remedye.
take heede
God keepe, I say, such guests away
both from my meate & mee!
if I had 20 weddings to make,
neu er bidden shold he bee!
& thus I make an end
of this my merry Iest,
wishing to eu er ye honest man
all happinesse & rest.
take heede of hot furmitree!
take heed of hot furmitree!
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