Classic Poem

" Pete, you're a common laughing-stock,
You are the village butt,
Your hair is so outrageous long —
Why don't you get it cut? "
" Bekase dere ain't no barber, sah,
Dat's good ernuff foh me;
Dere ain't no barber in dis town
Dat's up to my idee. "

" Why, there is 'Rastus Graham, Pete,
A barber up to par. "
" La! yes; but den I kain't hev him,
Foh he's a Baptis', sah.
No low-down Baptis' herertic
So bigotty ez he
Shall never cut de ha'r upon
A Meferdis like me. "

" But Pratt's a barber just as good
As any on the list;
A splendid barber, and besides
An earnest Methodist. "
" He am a Meferdis, I know,
But I kain't train wiv Pratt
Bekase I am a 'Publican
An' he's a Dimmerkrat. "

" But there is Bangs, a Methodist,
A very righteous man,
A Methodist in high repute,
A good Republican. "
" But he's a homerpaff, the wretch,
Ez bad ez he can be,
An' he kain't cut de wool on sich
An allopaff ez me.

I stan's foh righteousness, I does,
Foh troof an' nuffin' less;
No Baptis' trash an' homerpaffs
Can suit my piousness.
W'en some good barber comes to town,
A Meferdis fair an' squar',
An allopaff an' 'Publican,
W'y, he can cut my ha'r. "