Classic Poem

Lord Ronald was lord of a high domain
(He dwelt on the eighteenth floor).
His bride was the Beauteous Lady Jane,
A rose-colored robe she wore.

A boudoir cap o' the velvet fine
Lay soft on her tresses' gold.
She read the Advertisements line for line
To know what the Papers told:
Of laces at Macy's, of thimbles at Gimbel's, of urns at Stern's and churns at Hearn's, of axes at Saks's, gold eagels at Siegel's, rubber heels at O'Neill's, fur mittens like Peary's at Mr. McCreery's, and silver salt-shakers at John Wanamaker's .

" Now busk thee and boun thee, Lord Ronald! " she cried;
" Away to the Bargain Sale
And fetch me a Band o' the Silk o' Pride
O' the hue o' the lilac pale!

" A Silken Band o' the width o' my hand
And rilled as the water clear;
Of yards full three its length shall be,
And its shade — like the Sample, here! "

The Sample he took from her fingers white,
He kissed her with kisses four,
And hied him away — oh, the Hardy Knight!
To the Gate o' the Mammoth Store.

To him in the rush o' that Awesome Place
Where gaping and dumb he stood,
A Floor-Walker ambled with dainty grace
And questioned him what he would.

Quoth Ronald, " Thou Floor-Walker great and grand,
A Word in thy Pearly Ear:
Now where shall I get me a Silken Band
O' the shade o' the Sample here? "

He patted himself on the nut-brown hair,
That Floor-Walker bright and brave;
He pointed his Thumb to the marble stair
And said, with a Gracious Wave:
" Third aisle, right; down one flight; elevator; escalator; eighth floor, west; trousers pressed; second turning; wood-burning; shipping-clerk; fancy-work; straight ahead; cake and bread; past rest-room; near guest-room; photo-mounter; Ribbon-counter! "

" Gramercy! " him answered Lord Ronald then,
And turned on his heel full swift,
And battled his way to that iron pen
Which Englishmen call " The Lift. "

While up through the glimmering shaft they sped
As fast as a Shooting Star,
He spake to the Youth o' the Woolly Head
That governed the Iron Car:

" Say thou o' the Cap that is brightly bound
Wi' Braid o' the Golden Fleece,
Oh, where may a Ribband o' Silk be found
That's like to my Sample Piece? "

The Galliard that governed the speeding Car
From out of his dream awoke.
He halted the Cage wi' a grinding jar,
He opened his lips and spoke:
" Mind the door! Eighth floor! — Iron-heaters, carpet-beaters; negligees, lacquer trays; princesse slips, ostrich tips; curtain-poles, bolster-rolls; Brussels nets, shaving-sets; ticket-punches, boxed lunches; office dials, graded vials; pillow-shams, smoked hams; silver gauze, rabbit paws: riding-crops, kitchen mops; opera scores, cedar oars; menu-holders, bill-folders; wax matches, window-catches; music chimes, pickled limes; paper pencils, pattern stencils; powder-jars, fine cigars; printing-presses, party dresses; p'rambulators, over-gaiters, nutmeg-graters, indicators; champagne-nippers, copper dippers, wire-clippers, carpet slippers; couches, pouches; broilers, oilers; puzzles, muzzles; biggins, piggins; pins, tins; nibs, bibs; chains, canes; balls, shawls; dotted veils, percales, wooden pails, Special Sales: New books, view books; sets of Gibbon's, SILK RIBBONS! "

Now halted Lord Ronald and wavered long,
But thought on his Dame's behest;
And forth through the whirl of the jostling throng
He fared on his knightly Quest.

He sought for that Ribband of lilac hue
Desired of his queenly Bride.
Unswerving he held to his Purpose true,
For nothing he turned aside,

Though sirens expanded their Golden Smiles
To dazzle the Daring Man
Where hither and yon in the tangled aisles
Were Magical Scrolls which ran:
" Rices, spices — lowest prices! " " Lamps, guimpes — trading-stamps! " " Braids, brocades — highest grades! " " Waists — assorted — just imported! " " Fancy collars — seven dollars! " " Caps for nurses — suit all purses! " " Pure confections — choice selections! " " Water-wings, garden-swings; baby-wagons, crystal flagons; herbariums, aquariums; thermometers, barometers; zoetropes, microscopes, braided ropes, envelopes; stocks, blocks, frocks, clocks; mixing-bowls, casseroles! "

Right onward he pressed to a Counter, dressed
Wi' Ribbands of every shade;
And he was aware of a Maiden there
Which spake to another Maid.

But still as she chattered, that Maiden young,
And settled her combs aright,
" Now hearken, O Maid o' the Lively Tongue, "
Cried Ronald, the Hardy Knight!

" For fain would I buy wi' the Silver due,
Or else wi' the gude red Gold,
A Ribband o' Silk o' the lilac hue
That's like to the Shred I hold. "

She daunted the Knight wi' a Vacant Glare
As though he were far away.
She palsied his lips wi' a Stony Stare
While ever she said her say:
" Sez I, sez you, sez they, sez he; sez I to her, sez she to me. Sez I to him, " We got to part!" " Oh, Girlie, ain't you got no heart?" sez he, so sad, I nearly cried. He'd took her for a auto-ride — that Sadie! Ain't she got a nerve! Sez I to him, " You don't deserve — " Sez he, " Just give a man a chance!" Sez I, " You goin' to the dance?" Sez I to him, sez he to me; sez you, sez they, sez I, sez she. "

Lord Ronald was stout, Lord Ronald was hale,
Lord Ronald was bold, forby;
His gauntlet he set on the counter-rail;
He vaulted that Counter high!

The Ribbands, he rummaged them To and Fro,
He scattered them Fro and To,
Till he found in its wrapping as white as snow
The Ribband of lilac hue.

Then yards full three wi' his Snickersnee
He cut of that Ribband gay;
On the Counter he told its Weight in Gold
And carried the Prize away; —

Away from the Damsel of Cold Disdain,
Away from the Mammoth Store.
And he and the Beauteous Lady Jane
Lived happily ever more.