Classic Poem

There was a young woman, as I've heard tell
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!),
Lived near the sea in a nice little hell
That she made for herself and her husband as well;
But that's how a good many married folk dwell —
Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!

She kept a big mongrel that murdered his fowls
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
And kept him awake with his barks and his growls.
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
She also had cats that assisted with yowls;
She gave him old dishcloths and nightgowns for tow'ls,
And called in the neighbours to witness his growls —
Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!

You'd think 'twas the limit, but she didn't — quite
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!);
He had to sleep out in the fowlhouse at night
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
And make his own breakfast before it was light;
Then go to his work, and then keep out of sight
When he came home to dinner — and that wasn't right —
( Singing ): Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!

She'd find him and chase him with pot-stick and fist
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!);
He'd an arm like a navvy, and also a wrist —
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
Why didn't he give her a jolt or a twist?
Then, because she so crowed for the hiding she missed,
She'd shriek: " You great coward! why don't you enlist? "
Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!

She'd invite all her relatives down for the day
(Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!)
And also invite his relations to stay.
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
He found his own worst, as is often the way;
(They told her his father was locked up one day);
His red beard went white, and his brown hair went grey.
( Sadly ): Rip-per-ty! Kye! A-hoo!

Her parents were German, as he was aware.
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!),
He said to himself: " I had better be there! "
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
He went to the Depot and made himself bare,
And was straightway accepted, and passed then and there —
He clapped his great wings and he crowed (so they swear):
Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!

He came home for " Final " and filled up with rum.
(Ripperty! Kye! A-hic-hoo!)
She said, when she saw him: " I thought you would come!
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
You'd best make yer will and make over the home
And arrange the allowance, and don't look so glum! "
He did as she told him, and went away, dumb —
Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!

He went to the Front, and he fought for the French.
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
He went for the Germans and cleared out a trench;
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
They tumbled like drunken men over a bench;
He finished them off with a jab and a wrench,
And loudly he yelled, in the mix-up and stench,
" Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo! "

He came back at last with ideas that were new.
(Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!)
He went for the mongrel, and ran him right through;
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
He potted three cats on the ridge-capping, too;
North, southward and eastward the relatives flew;
Then he said: " Now, old woman, I'm coming for you!
R IPPERTY ! Kye ! A- HOO ! "

Three times round the house and the fowlhouse she fled
(Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!)
Three inches in front of his bayonet red;
(Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!)
He yelled, and she shrieked fit to shriek off her head,
He fired at the house and the fowlhouse and shed,
Till she fell on the dungheap quite three-quarters dead.
Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!

Now, there's a young woman, as I've heard tell
( Sing gently ): Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!
Lives near the sea in a nice little shell,
( Sing softly ): Ripperty! Kye! Ahoo!
That's built of brick, wood, and red tiles, at Rozelle;
She's fond of her husband, and he's doing well —
And — that's how a good many married folk dwell.
( Sing exultantly ): Ripperty! Kye! A-hoo!