A TALE .
I T happen'd on a certain time,
Two seigniors, who had spent the prime
Of youth in every wickedness,
Came to his Holiness to confess;
Of which, the one had riches store,
The other (wicked wretch)! was poor.
But both grown old, had now a mind
To die in peace with all mankind;
And go to heaven a nearer way
Than those who all their life-time pray:
Which may effected be they hope,
By buying pardon of the Pope.
So calling fresh to mind their sins,
The rich offender thus begins.
" Most holy farther, I have been,
" I must confess, in many a sin.
" All laws divine I've thought a joke;
" All human laws for interest broke.
" And to increase my ill-got store,
" Thought it no crime t' oppress the poor;
" To cheat the rich, betray my friends,
" Or any thing to gain my ends.
" But now grown old, and near to die,
" I do repent me heartily
" Of all my vile offences past,
" And in particular the last,
" By which I wickedly beguil'd
" A dead friend's son, my guardian child,
" Of all his dear paternal store,
" Which was ten thousands pounds or more;
" Who since is starv'd to death by want,
" And now sincerely I repent:
" Which that your Holiness may see,
" One half the sum I've brought with me,
" And thus I cast it at your feet,
" Dispose of it as you think meet,
" To pious uses, or your own,
" I hope 'twill all my faults atone.
" Friend, " quoth the Pope, " I'm glad to see
" Such true repentance wrought in thee;
" But as your sins are very great,
" You have but half repented yet:
" Nor can your pardon be obtain'd,
" Unless the whole which thus you've gain'd,
" To pious uses be ordain'd.
" All! " cry'd the man, " I thought that half
" Had been a pretty price enough. "
" Nay, " quoth the Pope, " sir, if you hum
" And haw at parting with the sum,
" Go, keep it, do; and damn your soul;
" I tell you, I must have the whole.
" 'Tis not a little thing procures
" A pardon for such sins as yours. "
Well — rather than be doom'd to go,
To dwell with everlasting woe,
One would give any thing, you know:
So th' other half was thrown down to't,
And then he soon obtain'd his suit;
A pardon for his sins was given,
And home he went assur'd of heaven.
And now the poor man bends his knee;
" Most holy father, pardon me,
" A poor and humble penitent,
" Who all my substance vilely spent.
" In every wonton, youthful pleasure;
" But now I suffer out of measure;
" With dire diseases being fraught
" And eke so poor not worth a groat. "
" Poor! quoth the Pope, then cease your suit,
" Indeed you may as well be mute;
" Forbear your now too late contrition,
" You're in a reprobate condition.
" What! spend your wealth, and from the whole
" Not save one souse to save your soul?
" O you're a sinner, and a hard one,
" I wonder you can ask a pardon:
" Friend, they're not had unless you buy 'em,
" You're therefore damn'd, as sure as I am —
" Vicegerent to the king of heaven:
" No, no, such sins can't be forgiven.
" I cannot save you if I would,
" Nor would I do it if I could. "
Home goes the man in deep despair,
And died soon after he came there;
And went, 'tis said, to hell: but sure
He was not damn'd for being poor!
But long he had not been below,
Before he saw his friend come too;
At this he was in great surprise,
And scarcely could believe his eyes:
" What friend, " said he, " are you come too?
" I thought the Pope had pardon'd you. "
" Yes, " quoth the man, " I thought so too;
" But I was by the Pope trepann'd —
" The devil could not read his hand. "
I T happen'd on a certain time,
Two seigniors, who had spent the prime
Of youth in every wickedness,
Came to his Holiness to confess;
Of which, the one had riches store,
The other (wicked wretch)! was poor.
But both grown old, had now a mind
To die in peace with all mankind;
And go to heaven a nearer way
Than those who all their life-time pray:
Which may effected be they hope,
By buying pardon of the Pope.
So calling fresh to mind their sins,
The rich offender thus begins.
" Most holy farther, I have been,
" I must confess, in many a sin.
" All laws divine I've thought a joke;
" All human laws for interest broke.
" And to increase my ill-got store,
" Thought it no crime t' oppress the poor;
" To cheat the rich, betray my friends,
" Or any thing to gain my ends.
" But now grown old, and near to die,
" I do repent me heartily
" Of all my vile offences past,
" And in particular the last,
" By which I wickedly beguil'd
" A dead friend's son, my guardian child,
" Of all his dear paternal store,
" Which was ten thousands pounds or more;
" Who since is starv'd to death by want,
" And now sincerely I repent:
" Which that your Holiness may see,
" One half the sum I've brought with me,
" And thus I cast it at your feet,
" Dispose of it as you think meet,
" To pious uses, or your own,
" I hope 'twill all my faults atone.
" Friend, " quoth the Pope, " I'm glad to see
" Such true repentance wrought in thee;
" But as your sins are very great,
" You have but half repented yet:
" Nor can your pardon be obtain'd,
" Unless the whole which thus you've gain'd,
" To pious uses be ordain'd.
" All! " cry'd the man, " I thought that half
" Had been a pretty price enough. "
" Nay, " quoth the Pope, " sir, if you hum
" And haw at parting with the sum,
" Go, keep it, do; and damn your soul;
" I tell you, I must have the whole.
" 'Tis not a little thing procures
" A pardon for such sins as yours. "
Well — rather than be doom'd to go,
To dwell with everlasting woe,
One would give any thing, you know:
So th' other half was thrown down to't,
And then he soon obtain'd his suit;
A pardon for his sins was given,
And home he went assur'd of heaven.
And now the poor man bends his knee;
" Most holy father, pardon me,
" A poor and humble penitent,
" Who all my substance vilely spent.
" In every wonton, youthful pleasure;
" But now I suffer out of measure;
" With dire diseases being fraught
" And eke so poor not worth a groat. "
" Poor! quoth the Pope, then cease your suit,
" Indeed you may as well be mute;
" Forbear your now too late contrition,
" You're in a reprobate condition.
" What! spend your wealth, and from the whole
" Not save one souse to save your soul?
" O you're a sinner, and a hard one,
" I wonder you can ask a pardon:
" Friend, they're not had unless you buy 'em,
" You're therefore damn'd, as sure as I am —
" Vicegerent to the king of heaven:
" No, no, such sins can't be forgiven.
" I cannot save you if I would,
" Nor would I do it if I could. "
Home goes the man in deep despair,
And died soon after he came there;
And went, 'tis said, to hell: but sure
He was not damn'd for being poor!
But long he had not been below,
Before he saw his friend come too;
At this he was in great surprise,
And scarcely could believe his eyes:
" What friend, " said he, " are you come too?
" I thought the Pope had pardon'd you. "
" Yes, " quoth the man, " I thought so too;
" But I was by the Pope trepann'd —
" The devil could not read his hand. "