There is a cheater by profession
That takes more shapes than the chameleon;
Sometimes he jets it in a black furr'd gown,
And that is when he harbours in the town;
Sometimes a cloak to mantle hoary age,
Ill-favour'd, like an ape in spiteful rage;
And then he walks in Paul's a turn or two,
To see by cheating what his wit can do:
Perhaps he'll tell a gentleman a tale
Will cost him twenty angels in the sale;
But if he know his purse well lin'd within,
And by that means he cannot finger him,
He'll proffer him such far-fet courtesy,
That shortly in a tavern neighbouring by
He hath encag'd the silly gentleman,
To whom he proffers service all he can:
Sir, I perceive you are of gentle blood,
Therefore I will our cates be new and good;
For well I wot the country yieldeth plenty,
And as they divers be, so are they dainty;
May it please you, then, a while to rest you merry,
Some cates I will make choice of, and not tarry.
The silly cony blithe and merrily
Doth for his kindness thank him heartily;
Then hies the cheater very hastily,
And with some peasant, where he is in fee,
Juggles, that dinner being almost ended,
He in a matter of weight may then be friended.
The peasant, for an angel then in hand,
Will do whate'er his worship shall command,
And yields, that when a reckoning they call in,
To make reply there's one to speak with him.
The plot is laid; now comes the cheater back,
And calls in haste for such things as they lack';
The table freighted with all dainty cates,
Having well fed, they fall to pleasant chates,
Discoursing of the mickle difference
'Twixt perfect truth and painted eloquence,
Plain troth, that harbours in the country swain:
The cony stands defendant; the cheater's vein
Is to uphold an eloquent smooth tongue,
To be truth's orator, righting every wrong.
Before the cause concluded took effect,
In comes a crew of fiddling knaves abject,
The very refuse of that rabble rout,
Half shoes upon their feet torn round about,
Save little Dick, the dapper singing knave,
He had a threadbare coat to make him brave,
God knows, scarce worth a tester, if it were
Valued at most, of seven it was too dear.
Well, take it as they list, Shakerag came in,
Making no doubt but they would like of him,
And 'twere but for his person, a pretty lad,
Well qualified, having a singing trade.
Well, so it was, the cheater must be merry,
And he a song must have, call'd Hey-down-derry:
So Dick begins to sing, the fiddler[s] play;
The melancholy cony replies, nay, nay,
No more of this; the tother bids play on,—
'Tis good our spirits should something work upon:
Tut, gentle sir, be pleasant, man, quoth he,
Yours be the pleasure, mine the charge shall be;
This do I for the love of gentlemen:
Hereafter happily if we meet agen,
I shall of you expect like courtesy,
Finding fit time and opportunity.
Or else I were ungrateful, quoth the cony;
It shall go hard but we will find some money;
For some we have, that some well us'd gets more,
And so in time we shall increase our store.
Meantime, said he, employ it to good use,
For time ill spent doth purchase time's abuse.
With that, more wine he calls for, and intends
That either of them carouse to all their friends;
The cony nods the head, yet says not nay,
Because the other would the charge defray.
The end tries all; and here begins the jest,
My gentleman betook him to his rest;
Wine took possession of his drowsy head,
And cheating Droone hath brought the fool to bed.
The fiddlers were discharg'd, and all things whist,
Then pilfering Droone 'gan use him as he list:
Ten pound he finds; the reckoning he doth pay,
And with the residue passeth sheer away.
Anon the cony wakes; his coin being gone,
He exclaims against dissimulation;
But 'twas too late, the cheater had his prey:—
Be wise, young heads, care for an after-day!